poemranker ::Captured by Dovina

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Free verse № 149974

Captured

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Feb 2007 · Edited 12 Feb 2007 · 32 comments

Thick fingers grasp a shovel, clutch a swinging pick, heft a rock-filled wheelbarrow— hands so big, when one is cupped upon my nose, thumb and pinkie touch each ear— on its backside, coarse dark hairs, roughened hide within— antithesis of mine. Within a softer crevice behind a gnarly knuckle, calloused hills on either side fold around a tender finger— a little fear, a little power, as the lion gently smiles. Other fingers join to hold a long and polished nail, a tiny member, trapped as prey, held huskily in fluted flesh, squeezed in muscular quiver, to comfort, crush, caress, according to his wish. My finger-weapon like a trainer’s chair, but better to entice— a large and sturdy paw, protects a weaker vessel, can handle softer life.

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32 comments

[9] Ranger 10-Feb-07/3:14 AM Reply
Ace. I think you might have 'a' appearing once too many in line 2 (if not, I don't get it).
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 11-Feb-07/5:38 AM Reply
Good call on the extraneous "a."
[9] SupremeDreamer 10-Feb-07/1:58 PM Reply
You know, there are men who posses soft hands. And why use the finger when sex toys are readily available AND well designed for their purpose? But anyway, that aside, I like this.

Well executed. Blessed with nine.
[n/a] Dovina › SupremeDreamer 11-Feb-07/5:41 AM Reply
Soft-handed men will do, I suppose, and sex toys serve other purposes. Perhaps the title is misleading; my finger is not so much swallowed as captured.
[n/a] richa › Dovina 12-Feb-07/10:02 AM Reply
other purposes! Like a whisk.
[n/a] Dovina › richa 12-Feb-07/10:32 AM Reply
No, if properly used, they sometimes serve their intended purpose. You guys are taking this poem along unpaved paths and unintended passages.
[n/a] ecargo › richa 12-Feb-07/12:11 PM Reply
LOL--the mind wobbles at the thought. I'd like to know what other purpose a 10-inch dildo might serve? (Not saying I have one, but if I did, might I use it as . . . a doorstop maybe?)
[9] Bethy 12-Feb-07/6:46 AM Reply
Short of sounding like a Coke or Pepsi add, There's Nothing Like The Real Thing Baby! lol,
Good Good Good !!! Bethy:)
[n/a] Dovina › Bethy 12-Feb-07/10:31 AM Reply
Baby, this is the real thing!
[10] Stephen Robins 12-Feb-07/8:42 AM Reply
Dovina I have just soiled my brand new spats.
[n/a] Dovina › Stephen Robins 12-Feb-07/10:33 AM Reply
You pooor dear!
[10] Stephen Robins › Dovina 13-Feb-07/1:06 AM Reply
Nothing compounds the shame of having erupted everywhere more than the condescending cooing of a delightfully plump midden dweller. As you lick your fingers the poor man, on his way to an important assignation, must find a way of cleansing his trousers whilst bewailing his lack of moral rectitude and vowing never again to take the short cut through the shambles where the temptation of speedy relief from a brazen young wench is all too enticing.
[n/a] richa 12-Feb-07/10:05 AM Reply
It's ok. The whole little paw entices strong hand idea is relatively interesting. It's just I don't know kind of icky.
[n/a] Dovina › richa 12-Feb-07/10:31 AM Reply
It’s the big paw that entices strong hand ideas for the narrator. If you like little paws with shiny nails, then go for it from that angle. No need for ickiness either way.
[n/a] ecargo 12-Feb-07/12:10 PM Reply
Good lord, step away from your gramma's soft core porn. " . . . held huskily in fluted flesh . . ." LOL! How does one hold something "huskily"? (Being a "weaker vessel," I guess mah sens-a-bilities are jes' a little tendah.)

I feel a little dirty, as if I should have changed my pantaloons after watchin' the big, strong stableboy shovel out the stall ('cause surely some shit was being slung). The focus on the hand is pretty good, but the rest borders on pre-sexual-emancipation bad-romance-novel cliche.
[n/a] Dovina › ecargo 12-Feb-07/2:59 PM Reply
Well ok, if it gives you a laugh and mild itch for a smelly stableboy, then fine by me. Actually, you folks are all taking this way more erotically than I am. Admittedly, there’s suggestion in having your finger clasped in huge, work-rough hand, but wow, does it have to imply all this?
[9] Ranger › Dovina 12-Feb-07/3:04 PM Reply
I thought it was a girl with her father; everyone else's reactions made me feel rather foolish.
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 12-Feb-07/3:09 PM Reply
Actually, it could be that, except she's got polished nails - thirteen or older maybe.
[9] Ranger › Dovina 12-Feb-07/3:18 PM Reply
Sounds too childish to be a teenager. Don't children colour their nails? I never was a little girl, so missed out on all this.
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 12-Feb-07/3:22 PM Reply
Too childish for a grown woman to think when a gnarly hand captures her finger? No comment.
[9] Ranger › Dovina 12-Feb-07/3:23 PM Reply
Don't know, never been a grown woman either...
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 12-Feb-07/3:29 PM Reply
I've never been an orca with dorsal fin rising erotically beside his, but that doesn't stop me from knowing her twitches. Just ask --=DA=-PI.
[9] Ranger › Dovina 12-Feb-07/3:43 PM Reply
In all honesty, that one was rather a good poeme.
[n/a] Quarton › Ranger 27-Feb-07/10:44 AM Reply
An excellent poem despite the criticism. It does have an erotic "flavor" in my opinion but the overall message for me is of a lesser, more platonic relationship and I believe that was your intent.
[n/a] Dovina › Dovina 12-Feb-07/3:12 PM Reply
I've changed the title to "Captured" just to stave off some of this erotica.
[9] deleted user 13-Feb-07/6:20 AM Reply
A good job of interweaving the images of roughness and softness--a nice write D.
[n/a] Dovina › deleted user 15-Feb-07/7:01 AM Reply
And thanks for seeing them as fingers.
[9] jessicazee 15-Feb-07/6:25 AM Reply
2nd stanza made me all nicey-nice. Also, what is a "trainer's chair?"
[n/a] Dovina › jessicazee 15-Feb-07/6:58 AM Reply
For a moment I thought of myself a lion trainer, holding a chair in one hand and a whip in the other, but quickly got off that wagon. It comes from the lion image in S2. Thanks for diluting the naughty reactions above with “nicey-nice.”
[4] nentwined 15-Feb-07/6:38 PM Reply
those would have to be big hands -- a shovel, a pick, and a wheelbarrow? We're talking Paul Bunyan, here. I apologize for his tiny member, though--we didn't do enough testing on those pesticides.

General impression--not interested, really. A curious idea, but I'm not buying. More context, maybe?
[n/a] Dovina › nentwined 16-Feb-07/9:49 AM Reply
I can't imagine him as Paul Bunyan just because he swings a pick, handles a shovel, and pushes a wheelbarrow. And nothing is said about the size of his "member." Her finger is tiny compared to his. Maybe I do need to clarify, since several people are misinterpreting - some of course for their own reasons.
[4] nentwined › Dovina 16-Feb-07/10:58 AM Reply
The wielding everything, the timing of it seemed to imply to me it was all done at once. Maybe I needed to see the action happening to separate it out.

After that, yeah, I was all over the place with the poem--couldn't focus. Maybe work the earlier bits in, throughout, and be a little less circumspect?

I really don't know.