DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Complaints

Member since 2002 · Posted 15 Feb 2007 · 4 comments

All day with the shovel, your back and the sidewalk, my hot cocoa salt stains, salty beef stews, your knee again. I tried to make a funny show with shadowed dirty hands- it was the bear, wasn't it?

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4 comments

[7] Dovina 15-Feb-07/7:10 AM Reply

These sound like happy complaints of two who have worked hard and have some minor pains. That's just an impression though, because it isn't very clear. If "hot cocoa stains" are sweaty dirt on shirt, then good description.

[5] nentwined 15-Feb-07/6:25 PM Reply

The bear took out my knee! Damn, I'm going to have to be more careful with what I watch.

This has something, maybe, but it's too compact for me to get it and feel what I've gotten; I think it needs a little more flesh--but that's definitely no guarantee.

[9] half.italian 15-Feb-07/9:21 PM Reply

I really like it. I see something clearly. Dad comes home from hard work, to a child who wants to play. He just can't handle children being children when he's tired.

I could be off, but it works for me.

[9] richa 16-Feb-07/2:35 PM Reply

I don't know what cocoa salt stains are. I'd stick with just cocoa stains. I like how you go back to his knee again to communicate its intermittent nature. I presume you have been chided for playing the fool with the shadow hands. 'it was the bear wasn't it?' is interesting. I read it as an innocent attempt to explain why your playful.ness had elicited complaint. It is difficult to get a grip of at first but it does make sense after a few reads.