poemranker ::Tropical afternoon by cpill

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Free verse № 152455

Tropical afternoon

by cpill

Member since 2002 · Posted 14 Jun 2007 · Edited 15 Sep 2007 · 7 comments

A wet sky ends another flushed day Letting go of the days hot frustrations Releasing the struggle that started at dawn So one can finally say "I'm done" The race is over. Nobody won. The cool breeze retires ambition Letting the shoulders sag and, put on loose shoes, Smile in the company of others Reflecting at the slow replay of the days events Forever to be frozen in memory Washed in hopes or regrets

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mean 1.00 weighted 4.81 rank 10962 views 406 View voting details →

1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

7 comments

[6] Skamper 16-Jun-07/11:29 AM Reply
Maybe it's because I'm a girl - but the first line just seems too repulsive to go with the rest of the write...I don't get the connection. Overall the resignation at what life brings is evident, and painted quite well...
[n/a] cpill › Skamper 18-Jun-07/4:39 PM Reply
Yes perhaps thats the wrong word to use. I wanted to convey that hot and "flushed" (perhaps a better word than hot) feeling or the end of hard emotion, like I would imagine a female menstruation. An though you feel the sticky wet as a a discomfort its actually like the cold rain at the end of a hot day.
[6] Skamper › cpill 25-Sep-07/10:41 PM Reply
Much better images...menstruation is a feeling all to it's own...I should write about it...

I do like this write - it's quiet way of getting the message across...
[9] Ranger › Skamper 21-Jun-07/5:00 AM Reply
I always thought you were male. Oops.
[9] Ranger › Ranger 21-Jun-07/5:26 AM Reply
In retrospect, that sounds highly insulting. My apologies, it wasn't meant to be.
[6] Skamper › Ranger 25-Sep-07/10:42 PM Reply
Not insulted at all - I quite like being ambigious even with gender.
[9] Ranger 21-Jun-07/5:00 AM Reply
Not keen on 'shoulders sag' - it sounds like you give up on everything, whereas the rest of the poem is less like that. I'd change it to 'let the shoulders down', like you're letting blinds down on the windows, letting your guard down and a million other relaxed cliches.
'Menstruating sky' is hilarious.