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Summer Festival (Free verse) by Christof
During a day and a half of wind and rain There's no point bringing the washing in And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs The clinging bras and flapping skirts Slick with water like sweaty skin Dance a blissful drunken shrug And will not stop till the sun floods in.

Up the ladder: Mirrored
Down the ladder: Pride

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2882
Posted: June 29, 2007 4:30 AM PDT; Last modified: June 29, 2007 4:30 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 29-Jun-07/3:23 PM | Reply
i would start line 2 differently; it is disjointed and does not flow well from line 1. perhaps "we saw" instead of "there's" on line 2 or maybe omit "during" from line 1.

no need for the "and" at the start of line 3.

i do like the imagery and similies:
"loose-limbed", "clinging", "flapping", "slick...like sweaty skin", and my favorite " dance a blissful drunken shrug".
lines 3-7 very successfully animate the clothing as much as the wind would.

a few nitpicks as indicated, but good work.
[7] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 > lmp | 29-Jun-07/3:24 PM | Reply
why did you vote for this yourself? just curious.
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > lmp | 2-Jul-07/9:09 AM | Reply
Er... I didn't. How could I? I don't think the site even allows you to do that, does it?
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > lmp | 2-Jul-07/9:12 AM | Reply
Actually, that's quite a serious allegation in Poemrankerland. I'd like to know why you said that.
[0] xxx @ 67.172.190.253 > Christof | 13-Jul-07/6:07 PM | Reply
look at your IPS A TEN IS REGISTERED TO YOU (BLUE).
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > xxx | 16-Jul-07/1:44 AM | Reply
I still don't know where you see the IPS, but anyway, I'm not very good at that sort of thing. Further investigation has shown that it was my wife thinking she was doing me a favour. I've told her not to bother in the future.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 80.47.120.22 > Christof | 16-Jul-07/3:11 PM | Reply
I hope you disciplined her.
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 17-Jul-07/1:22 AM | Reply
Of course, and she was grateful.
[7] Dovina @ 65.171.117.171 | 29-Jun-07/3:28 PM | Reply
Either omit the one period or punctuate as prudent. I suggest the latter. Try omitting "and the" in L3, and "the" in L4.
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > Dovina | 2-Jul-07/3:31 AM | Reply
Interesting - I can't see where to punctuate this without interrupting the flow of the thing. Suggestions?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 80.47.120.22 > Christof | 16-Jul-07/3:15 PM | Reply
I would have punctuated it like this:

During a day and a half of wind and rain
There's no point bringing the washing in.
And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs,
The clinging bras and flapping skirts,
Slick with water like sweaty skin,
Dance a blissful drunken shrug
And will not stop till the sun floods in.
[7] Dovina @ 204.10.126.202 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 17-Jul-07/3:34 PM | Reply
That's the most constructive thing you have ever said. Not the funniest though.
[7] Skamper @ 202.6.130.120 | 30-Jun-07/5:47 PM | Reply
very cute just as it is
[8] Ranger @ 81.158.79.189 | 1-Jul-07/3:09 AM | Reply
If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon.

'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.
[n/a] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 > Ranger | 13-Jul-07/7:17 AM | Reply
You're right, and on reflection I go for 'lolloping' instead.
[8] Nicholas Jones @ 86.141.26.195 | 3-Jul-07/11:30 AM | Reply
This is actually rather lovely. I see that you too are enjoying the great British summer. The irony of using the word 'flood' to refer to the sun rather than the water is nicely done.
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