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To a Grunting Man on the Train (Ode) by Christof
Your pain is too easily seen. The creases that pocket your eye Are comfortable crags for your grief To run down, a grove where you sigh With contented relief Once the public grimace has been. The unsmile you flash like a backstage pass To our sympathy is not the same As the frayed hem mouth of the sick, The unseen disgust, the communal shame, Of the woman alone whose face is licked Smooth by the sweat at the last.

Up the ladder: Two words

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 5.2086053
Overall Rank: 4504
Posted: August 3, 2007 1:27 AM PDT; Last modified: August 3, 2007 1:27 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 71.213.127.223 | 4-Aug-07/10:07 AM | Reply
I am with you until the last three lines. The ending switches topic too much and is unclear.
[9] Ranger @ 86.153.11.37 | 7-Aug-07/1:52 AM | Reply
Mostly marvellous, the rhythm reminds me of the clicking of a train except for the middle of stanza two where it becomes a bit disjointed. I didn't see any need for the backstage pass, but the rest is grand.
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