poemranker ::A black sanded tropical vision by horus8

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Free verse № 15407

A black sanded tropical vision

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Sep 2002 · Edited 3 Jun 2003 · 6 comments

Once my mother left me at someone else's home. I counted the flash of headlights, everynight for two weeks against the window. A five year old's shadow stretches on regardless of a lit influence, or a specialised orangery. Let's not pull punches here, steal my good-night-kiss. When my thongs floated down that river to a saltier openess. I was afraid to tell her later; I landed in a crate of bottles playing ping-pong. Shoeless, the puddles of red kept me sliding. As the table became covered with cane-spiders, and the hammock swung empty to our yard's widening. What would all of the late-night prospectors say? About that naked silhouette head patting my fever. Not a single word mind you, they don't ever pray. They want to pocket away your innocence. Sell it back so gracious meteor streak wish quick. Shooting stars are for dreamers and the observant. My dreams are a pair of brown and tan thongs cork floating the mighty Pacific Ocean. Rest stops for the occasional migrating Sea-bird. I am no longer waiting, and I prefer a good boot. Any day, to a pair of bobbing boy's slippers. Because, those who wait for change, never do.

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mean 6.29 weighted 5.35 rank 3397 views 301 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

6 comments

[n/a] <~> 16-Sep-02/7:19 PM Reply
to whom did you write this h? who was she to you? it seems to me you have a drea or two left inside; they didn't all float away on the tide. as a poem, this seems laced together, and i want it to be more tightly woven. just tighter in general, since innocence is a huge thing to lose, and i want to feel this deeper in your words, here.
[7] god'swife 16-Sep-02/8:35 PM Reply
I sense aloof pain. Which is a man's territory. "That 5 yr old's shadow stretches on" Truth.
[8] Christof 18-Sep-02/2:48 AM Reply
This is my favourite of yours becuase that lost innocnence and the fracturing of the self that goes with it comes out so loud and clear. Your focus is much tighter than usual and the poem really benefits from it. This is great.
[9] INTRANSIT 18-Jan-03/7:25 PM Reply
I get a little lost with (specialized orangery). 6-2 add comma before (so) also?
[n/a] horus8 › INTRANSIT 18-Jan-03/8:35 PM Reply
It's a special greenhouse to grow oranges in during realy bad frostings, and cold weather.
[8] pomoxo 18-Jan-03/9:01 PM Reply
i really enjoy some of the unconventional imagery you use here, it definitely gives the poem a distinct ambience which is very valuable, the kind of strangeness and surreality that is the experience of childhood, back before we had all sorts of ingrained cultural references to steer our perceptions