DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Words

Member since 2008 · Posted 13 Oct 2008 · 4 comments

A picture paints a thousand words A word endeavours to encapsulate an action, an emotion, a noun Yet verbosity doesnât always cut it That sword can either be swift and merciful Or a slow bludgeoning to death. Iâm trying to paint a picture of my thoughts Depict the prose of my life The melody, essence and rhythm. Iâm striving to capture the correct word Desperate to portray my mind The Sweat, blood and tears Easing a ravaged soul The words, strokes, dots and dashes the spaces, pauses Time defined by grammar Breathing defined by punctuation life defined By description

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mean 8.00 weighted 5.36 rank 3359 views 180 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of nentwined.

4 comments

[9] Bethy 14-Oct-08/8:15 AM Reply

get out of my head...lol...very good

[7] nentwined 14-Oct-08/7:09 PM Reply

There's a lot here, some I'd like to see plumbed more deeply, some could well be spun off into its own ruminations ((striving to capture the correct word could be a novel, I think; then, I didn't get enough sleep last night))

The flow feels more like you're trying to find the poem (which is how I tend to write, myself, so maybe I'm reading too much into that). As it stands, I find it too clunky. But lots of promise.

[6] Dovina 15-Oct-08/11:06 AM Reply

You seem groping for the perfect set of words. Much luck! Starting with a cliche is not a good start. "Desperate to portray my mind" is.

[n/a] Celticai 15-Oct-08/10:26 PM Reply

I'm glad that people have found this poem difficult to read.. that was the purpose! lol It was supposed to demonstrate a process rather than a product.