poemranker ::David & Derrick by TheModestKing

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Free verse № 159706

David & Derrick

Member since 2011 · Posted 12 May 2011 · 5 comments

I know I vomit when you speak, But scout’s honour this time, I won’t make a squeak, I’ve been observing your behaviour, And as a caring neighbour, I thought you should know: you’re weak. Leeches squeeze less out of life than you, At least they have purpose, They don’t kill for surplus, They kill to survive, You kill for the thrill, And you drink for the thrill, But when you think: nothing, still You’re turn...

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mean 4.50 weighted 4.94 rank 9073 views 187 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

5 comments

[1] nentwined 6-Jun-11/6:52 PM Reply
sad
[n/a] TheModestKing › nentwined 26-Jun-11/6:56 PM Reply
great constructive criticism!! Care to elaborate?
[3] Y2kSlamPoet 5-Jul-11/1:51 PM Reply
This poem is weak.
[6] nypoet22 12-Aug-11/8:32 AM Reply
the first line is great, but the rest lacks specifics. what behavior? kill what? drink what?
[8] wDaphnew 25-Sep-11/11:50 AM Reply
This was quite good but something has gone wrong with the apostrophes - they come out as an a with a circumflex on top!

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