poemranker ::Fraternity by Christof

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Free verse № 17304

Fraternity

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 Sep 2002 · 8 comments

On leave, cleaning boots. The acrid tang Of polish and sweat and efficiency rang Like a bell as you sat with your big lips pursed To watch your work and the sunlight burst On the steel-capped toes. Discipline, you said, That's how the army keeps control. One scuffed knee, only five years old I had to concur with a glamorous brother So very much older, so very much tougher, With hair as glassy as a burnished floor. You said: they'll follow you everywhere Will disorder and chaos. That wisdom shared You took yourself off as I marched behind To the end of the path and in my mind To the glorious fields of the enemy dead. Now I see you maybe once a year And then I see me, perfectly clear, My thin-lipped smile, my untidy tie, In the bright-buffed shine and the tight-laced eye Of the shoes that you wear when you sell door-to-door.

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mean 5.92 weighted 5.67 rank 2009 views 280 View voting details →

13 votes so far. Yours would make 14.13 votes so far

8 comments

[n/a] INTRANSIT 26-Sep-02/5:15 AM Reply
Thats funny! I really was feeling a war. Then that door-thing spun me good. Fun. I see the pattern too.Thanks for teaching me.
[9] morffrom 26-Sep-02/5:49 AM Reply
Sad and lovely treatment of a sibling relationship-9/10
[8] knickytoy 26-Sep-02/6:40 AM Reply
Another corker. I'm definitely in the shabby chic corner myself. I want to work entropy into a poem.
[n/a] Christof › knickytoy 26-Sep-02/7:19 AM Reply
I like the label 'shabby chic'. I think that describes me perfectly.
[8] brazen 26-Sep-02/8:30 AM Reply
even piss drunk at 11am i was able to understand this...i am now debating whether or not that is brilliance on my behalf or yours. we'll just stick with yours. excellent. time for more beer.
[n/a] horus8 26-Sep-02/2:24 PM Reply
brought a tear to my eye, my trust in you has grown stout once again..10! HORUS8 PRIZE FOR the APPLE OF HIS EYE, AND THE ENDLESS POINTLESS SHOE FILL STEREOTYPE.. you just might be a dead great famous composer yet.
[9] Venus 2-Oct-02/11:37 PM Reply
9/10
[9] daniella 19-Oct-02/10:39 PM Reply
i have read you all tonight in one sitting. this one almost by lamplight, hearing the sirens overhead. all brown, scuffed, muddy and other worldwarly in the daily death of the common man, our very own brother.