poemranker ::fa11ing by Bill Z Bub

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Free verse № 30235

fa11ing

by Bill Z Bub

Member since 2002 · Posted 15 Dec 2002 · Edited 6 Feb 2003 · 18 comments

just before the fall the damn brittlebrown leaves, tin trees with veined fingers bloodless & burned down deep now dustchoked in the angles, the wailing and the whiteness mangled metal, papers pulped, dig bodies, x amount : obscene.

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18 comments

[8] <~> 15-Dec-02/9:09 PM Reply
fucking finally. thank you. one that's not pathetic.

p.s.--like the titular device.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › <~> 15-Dec-02/10:08 PM Reply
thanks. maybe its because I'm psuedo-american (ie Canadian) that I have no need to throw in lines about flags or eagles. Yet here in southern ontario, I am much closer to new york than someone in, say, california.

the thing i remember most now is the dust that choked the great canyons of the city blocks. the wailing, the whiteness, and me half dressed, scratching rats nest hair, clutching the tv remote without strength left.
[8] <~> › Bill Z Bub 15-Dec-02/10:16 PM Reply
it was so quiet after. so very quiet. i drove by at night on the 13th. flames and smoke and the smell of it, wafting across the water. no planes in the sky, all the way home from florida. except in virginia, near the airforce base. everybody driving home, trying to get back to their families. i followed a guy from new jersey all the way from jacksonville florida to south carolina. a long fucking time ago, it seems.
[8] <~> 15-Dec-02/9:10 PM Reply
oh, technically, still summer--10 days left, and whutnot. call me a pedant.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › <~> 15-Dec-02/10:03 PM Reply
no, you are correct. crap. I always think of September as the Fall. Our Canadian summer's don't last too long.

[8] <~> › Bill Z Bub 15-Dec-02/10:12 PM Reply
well, it is after labor day, which is a mental touchstone for the end of summer, so most would not blink at it. i'm just yer fack-checkin'-cuz, is all.
[8] horus8 15-Dec-02/9:48 PM Reply
choice read.
[8] Caducus 16-Dec-02/5:06 AM Reply
I like this a lot
[10] INTRANSIT 18-Dec-02/5:12 PM Reply
This kicks ass.
[8] <~> 18-Dec-02/7:33 PM Reply
what changed?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › <~> 18-Dec-02/8:52 PM Reply
Besides playing with line breaks and spacing and punctuation, I added the line
"dustchoked
in the angles,
the wailing
and the whiteness"

and added a "the"
to "final flight"
[8] Caducus 19-Dec-02/8:50 AM Reply
You have many a string to your bow, and this split the arrow,
bring The hooded man the maid

(applause from the sherriff and nottinghams peasants)
[9] god'swife 19-Dec-02/2:04 PM Reply
Could it be 'just before the fall'? This is the best thing I've seen so far besides Tori's 'I can't see New York'. Your masculinity always comes through in your poems, dustchoked and mangled. Glistening is a strong hopefilled word. You have tremendous promise. If I could give you a gift, it would be all the right accidents.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › god'swife 19-Dec-02/7:18 PM Reply
Good suggestion. You always know the right thing to say. Just like a woman. How do they do that? You make me feel grand.
[8] horus8 19-Dec-02/3:07 PM Reply
i enjoyed your sketch work,and the comics. You're quite talented.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › horus8 19-Dec-02/7:20 PM Reply
athank you. i would post more art there, but I don't currently have access to a scanner.
[6] TanHand › horus8 7-Feb-03/2:15 PM Reply
I bet I'm more talented. And better in bed. And smell nicer.
[6] TanHand 7-Feb-03/1:36 PM Reply
God you really were my understudy weren't you. The single word final line thing is a bit tired, don't you think? Visually this is quite good, it straddles the line between normal line breaks and image. Try to make the words more interesting. 6.