poemranker ::I Retry My Resolve by Nicholas Jones

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Free verse № 33516

I Retry My Resolve

by Nicholas Jones

Member since 2002 · Posted 3 Jan 2003 · 6 comments

I retried my resolve By the broken down train - And I could only Shout to the tracks That I am reviled And myself Is divided to the roots. I retried my resolve In streets that are not mine I retried my resolve And found it sabotaged. Therefore I shall distrusted And myself Divided to the dogs. I retry my resolve And find I have none, The routes shall not Be used again And I am divded against all else.

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6 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 3-Jan-03/3:53 PM Reply
Is there a way to lose (1) "resolve line. preferably S-2 L-3. Other than that I wouldn't touch it.
[n/a] Nicholas Jones › INTRANSIT 3-Jan-03/4:29 PM Reply
I like the repetition, but I can see it might be a bit much. I think there's a lot that needs changing.....it's something I wrote years ago that came into my head today, and this is all I remember.
[6] -=SeTTle=- 3-Jan-03/5:30 PM Reply
dogs -> dongs, and give it more of a punch at the end. Trust me I'm an expert.??
[6] ecargo 3-Jan-03/8:51 PM Reply
Abort, retry, fail? "Therefore I shall distrusted" doesn't make sense. Typo in last line. But that's minor stuff--overall, this just doesn't do enough or show enough. What's the story, the moment, the message?
[n/a] Nicholas Jones › ecargo 4-Jan-03/4:39 PM Reply
Should be I shall be distrusted. It's a shapshot, a moment in time. Why should there be a message or a story? It can just be a feeling.
[6] ecargo › Nicholas Jones 4-Jan-03/6:11 PM Reply
Absolutely. That's why I had "a moment" in my first comment. But I think there should still be some sort of context, even in poems that are "snapshots" and "feelings". Your resolve about what? Why'd you fail the first time? See what I mean? It could be done subtly. I'm just sayin'.