Free verse № 47717
Fighting erosion
We the wranglands that forever be
count the country from sea to sea
carry the burden seeds from thee.
Standing deeply together shields
the pretty wind against us wields
audible voices much un-heeled.
Wastes deposited deep inside
a latent type of genocide
bark stands tough as winds deride.
Sun to soil in knotted grand
as the unknowings reach for hand
oh forgive, the Orangutans.
20 comments
I love saying it. Terrific vowels, and beyond that a strong idea. Good for you! Poems are no more than sketches drawn in sand, an instantaneous view, an instant need to tell.
Funny to think of you, an artist, wiping grease off his hands on a red shop towel. In my mind I see you plaid and baseball cap, grabbing the hand rail and hoisting yourself up to the cab.
Thank you much. Monkeys didn't rhyme. Sorry I haven't had time to give yours their due. I still refer to "No descent way".
XOI.
3rd stanza, 'fungicide' to be precise. I don't get that idea. Orangutans I understand, plus it has the added bonus of a Planet of The Apes reference, those manipulative philosophers, a sterling analogy on your part. Bingo.
Beautiful.
this rocks.
I think this is key to this kind of writing
I'm going to give this a 9
I'll be posting a new one soon-ish (hopefully) & would love it if you took a look and told me what you think to it!
Cheers anyway!
Invading every country from air,land or sea
1. I read it over and listen for the overall sound and feeling of the poem. If it makes an enjoyable read the first time without makeing your head hurt then its already decent, which I might add, your poem does.
2. I try and get the deeper meanings of the words and the way they are formed together, such as "Wastes deposited deep inside" I love that line. Im really envious that i didnt think of it first, that is assumeing I have the capacity to create somthing like that, which I do not think at this point in time i have.
3. I read it over again listening to the rythm and recognizing the meanings in each line and seeing the mental picture as i read each one.
Your poem made each read enjoyable. I absolutely love it. Keep up the good work. -10-
In reference to #2: Don't doubt or second guess yourself. Try anyway. You don't KNOW until you get to the end of the thing your're working on. The mere act of trying something new helps you stretch for the next "rung". Also, this is "practicing art"
You can only improve,but you will never reach perfection. Only get to a point with each piece that makes (you) happy. Then up the ante on the next one. Above all else,I believe, have fun.
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