poemranker ::I Speak of Expanses by anitawit

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Other № 47925

I Speak of Expanses

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Apr 2003 · 10 comments

Sunflower midst I thought I'd be Yellow fields stretched around me Blue of the sky as far as I see Expanses, I speak of expanses Starlit sky of a moonless night Prussian universe for my flight Into this deep darkness I alight Expanses, I speak of expanses Wild black ocean lashing land Tugging at me as I sit on sand Compelling me that I expand Expanses, I speak of expanses Dark green mountain-forest trees Murmuring to the fingering breeze Whispering once more of release Expanses, I speak of expanses

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mean 6.71 weighted 5.46 rank 2860 views 191 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

10 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 25-Apr-03/6:44 AM Reply
Lines 2 and 7 seem a wee off beat. but it's quite enjoyable.
[n/a] anitawit › INTRANSIT 25-Apr-03/1:45 PM Reply
How about -
'Yellow fields stretched 'round me' and
'Into this darkness I alight'?
[9] INTRANSIT › anitawit 25-Apr-03/6:16 PM Reply
bingo. always read it aloud to yourself or get someone to read it aloud to you. you might feel a little sick but it goes away quickly. And it helps gobs.
[8] Bachus 25-Apr-03/8:59 PM Reply
good, but I would end losing the last line instead for another line of impeccably aloof metaphors.
[n/a] anitawit › Bachus 26-Apr-03/1:30 PM Reply
Yes, yes, yes. Definitely increases the sense of expansion, may be I'll bring myself to lose the last line soon.
[7] richa 26-Apr-03/10:19 AM Reply
nice use of repetition
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Apr-03/11:50 AM Reply
nice use of repetition
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Apr-03/11:51 AM Reply
the repetitive use of repetition is nice
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Apr-03/11:52 AM Reply
nice repetative use of repeated repetition
[n/a] anitawit › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Apr-03/1:23 PM Reply
nice repetition of repetative use of repeated repetition