poemranker ::Janine (a set of haikus) by capachijim

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Haiku № 52948

Janine (a set of haikus)

by capachijim

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Jun 2003 · 10 comments

Your serenity, The grace that makes me want more, More of what I love. The prettiest one, Everyone meets in their life, That captures them so. My privation, My own inamorata, In whom I confine. Let us become one, So that a zephyr of love, Can finally veil.

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mean 6.41 weighted 6.40 rank 772 views 260 View voting details →

27 votes so far. Yours would make 28.27 votes so far

10 comments

[n/a] deleted user 14-Jun-03/4:22 PM Reply
I especially like the final stanza, nice job -9-
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › deleted user 15-Jun-03/9:50 AM Reply
Of course you do, you stupid shit. You have absolutely no understanding of poetry, so you're amazed by anything that looks like it might be meaningful (read: contains words like "zephyr" and is impossible to understand on a casual reading).
[8] horus8 14-Jun-03/7:19 PM Reply
Nicely done, did you know that I was the first person on this site to group together sets of haikus to tell a broader story? Now you do. My only red mark would be
"The prettiest one,
Everyone meets in their life,
That captures them so."

Using one right before everyone? And then again later, unless your title was "one" then it might work, but not here. Change second stanza's "one" into a stronger none, or verb, such as nymph, thing, love, girl, can, upholestry, get my drift? Otherwise 8. Now leave me alone.
[8] horus8 › horus8 15-Jun-03/1:56 PM Reply
Noun or verb instead of "one".
[5] baughworm 15-Jun-03/11:43 PM Reply
put away the thesaurus
[n/a] capachijim › baughworm 16-Jun-03/7:46 PM Reply
I don't own one :-D
[7] Shardik 20-Sep-03/11:57 AM Reply
It's good, but it aint that good. 7.
[6] daniella 20-Sep-03/9:21 PM Reply
that would be 4 haikus for the price of one. and you seem to have done pretty well, despite the adverse tone in the commentaries... keep it up!
[n/a] deleted user 22-Oct-03/3:54 PM Reply
love the idea of combonation of Haikus, truly brilliant.
[10] Fayt 7-Mar-06/10:48 AM Reply
I love each one of these. Excellent work. A+.

10/10!