poemranker ::the nature of our stillborn by Crakyamuni

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 53818

the nature of our stillborn

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Jun 2003 · Edited 3 Jan 2005 · 3 comments

I shudder now at the sounds of the possibilities that live to surround and ultimately limit me Temporality versus periphery, or simply just the enemy My intentions were never to love or be clever in the face of such an instance it was love that was happily severed Don't smile and laugh, it's distance I loved you so much I could never, I can never fucking admit this these crimes and stabbings so poingant, we could hold them and call it resistance

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 4.00 weighted 4.95 rank 8733 views 228 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

3 comments

[n/a] SupremeDreamer 23-Jun-03/10:12 AM Reply
simple, to the point.. could use more imagination.. ill save my vote in the hope that this sees an expansion and a rewrite
[n/a] horus8 24-Jun-03/11:37 AM Reply
Because it's not, it's a virus called SCARS
[8] Shuushin 4-Jan-05/8:31 AM Reply
Well. Very nice, except I could do without the refrain - and this line:

"Don't smile and laugh, it's distance" - comes off as a concession to rhyme.

btw, as to the content (versus the form) - the message is that you were almost certainly trying to both love *and* be clever. At least to be clever.

I want to give this a nine, but that list bit keeps me from it.