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Blind Walk Into Poem Ranker (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme
Off I went, hell bent, -And I thought heaven sent- Into this strange domain. To discover what I might gain From continuing this once failed adventure. First I met a gnome, Who, with a stick slapped me 'Cross the dome: Telling me that I was silly For holding a copyright banner He reminded me of yoda, Holding pepsi cola. Consequently I met a dictionary fairy. With black tipped wings. That sings, Annoyingly, into my ear. Speaking words that I thought Were meant to strike fear Into my heart. Subsequently I decided to fart In his face. But, I lost the race. For like the gnome said, I'd be bored back to bed. From the endless battles. Ended with the sound Of senile cackles. Leaving me in shackles Of irritation. Boasting my songs childishly, I wandered blindly. Stepping on the can of soda That belonged to yoda. Damned gnome got pissed And became some fucking ninja. He had mind controll Over my horse. So as predicted, I did fall afflicted From pain sent by yodas lightsaber. Awakening drunk I realized: That indeed I was a fool. So I started attacking, But skill was yet lacking. Left smacking my lips, Not liking the foul taste Of the situation. I felt like a snake. Now I swim in a lake Called joy luck. He wrote hallmark poetry For a buck fifty. Poems very thrifty and clever, Shit that was simple yet lasted forever In my mind. Pictures of words Showing me standing on yodas dick. Making me feel more like a prick: Silly redneck lost In england, beaten with A rubberband, put around my head. Cutting off circulation, And passing out. Back to bed Just like the gnome said Would happen, if I didn't think Before yappin.

Up the ladder: Too Dead to Live
Down the ladder: I, criminal

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.5
Overall Rank: 2705
Posted: June 28, 2003 7:17 AM PDT; Last modified: June 28, 2003 9:11 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 28-Jun-03/8:59 AM | Reply
"Speaking words that I thought
Was meant to strike fear" were not was.

Control one l.

Yeah, Joy luck is Settle, the boy genius. He's way beyond Mensa. He's a Risdi brat, Ivy league tit, and skilled in twilightzone poetry. He's The only other sic lunatic on the site besides me and da, and equally as good. There's also Christof, Poet and knowit, and a few others that are poets beyond the norm, so don't go spouting in a fountain lest you be wet and caught off guard. This poetry of yours is in desperate need of style, you need to develop your own poetic gimmick, something different about your poetry. The wording the shape the texture, but stop writing about that silly demon, heaven and hell crap, and pain and blood and all that trite shit. It's pointless because no one will bother with it, because, if they wanted fantasy they would read a real fantasy author that does it right, not a kid swinging at the fences.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.170.16 > horus8 | 28-Jun-03/9:08 AM | Reply
Ok. Now to figure out some new style.. this will be complicated, I've been swimming without style for ages now.. bleh, ill figure it out eventually or ill be dead soon from frustrated insanity.
[9] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 > DreamerSupreme | 28-Jun-03/9:24 AM | Reply
It took me a decade, have fun.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.170.16 > Bachus | 28-Jun-03/9:33 AM | Reply
Thanks, i feel more confident already.. -looks in the mirror- "is that a grey hair???"
[n/a] JoyLuck @ 68.75.20.59 > horus8 | 28-Jun-03/2:25 PM | Reply
what is Settle?
[7] richa @ 195.92.194.14 | 28-Jun-03/11:33 AM | Reply
the 'first I met' and 'subsequent' every verse makes this look a bit like a list rather than something more cohesive.

gnome and dome seems a little contrived

yoda and pepsi cola is funny and modern and nice touch to end every verse with a none rhyme having rhymed through the verse. It kind of asks a question of what is coming next.
[10] sliver @ 66.87.134.129 | 29-Jun-03/7:27 PM | Reply
Great, Lot's of good visuals-
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 30-Jun-03/7:21 AM | Reply
Don't feel bad. I ate yoda's dorito's and he got really postal. Welcome to the Ranker Dreamer. Beware the many names of Horus8. One of the best writers(I feel he's as good as D.A. but lacks the proper Malice in order to defeat our winged one) and a damn good musician. He's good on not being harsher than you deserve, and fucking brilliant. I'm giving this an -8- cause its funny and happens to alot of newbies here. Welcome to the club.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.161.86 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 30-Jun-03/7:53 AM | Reply
Ah well, thanks. I plan to come out soon with a few more poems that deal with my failings and my thoughts of how to overcome them. Expect more amusing stuff to appear. ;)
[9] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Jul-03/3:19 PM | Reply
Charming.
[0] deleted user @ 209.234.157.45 | 9-Jul-03/12:21 AM | Reply
So why you picking on me then?
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > deleted user | 9-Jul-03/12:40 AM | Reply
Probably, because you walked into a spectrum of 'true' poets waving your credentials around like we should give a fuck, having not even bothered to get familiar with any of the poet's work on this sight that have been here for years, and when we laughed, you got all pissed and started tagging good poetry with 0's in an immature fit brought on by sheer stupidity. That and the fact that your poetry is no where near the skill level to get away with that. It's mediocre at best. You walked into a mosh pit dressed for a polka, get it?
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.161.88 > deleted user | 11-Jul-03/5:30 PM | Reply
What the hell? you giving me zeros on all my work now museheart? go screw yourself you fucking little piece of shit, i dont need some wanna-be pompously scoring my work as if they were in ANY position to judge my poems. You really must be a fool, because your digging your grave deeper than the usual six feet. jesus christ, DA has a thousand times more right to give me zeros, since he can actually call himself a poet... pompous poets is one thing, but a wanna-be? pfft.
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