A Poem about a Ditch, a Drunk and a Deacon

There was a drunk, whose name was Paul, returning from a recent brawl who tripped and had a nasty fall and landed in a rut. He began to mumble and to mutter and spoke, with a brandy induced stutter, 'How on earth did I fall into this gutter?' when someboddy walked down the lane. 'I say',said a voice,'I think you'd better get out of that ditch and into my sweater and then you shall be my eternal debtor, for the rest of your life to come.' However, our Paul would not be retreived, for he had morals and he beleived that out of this ditch he must be heaved by a Reverend or a Vicar. 'I say', said the Voice, 'you really are thicker for chooisng to drink such a potent strong liquor and goodness knows why you decided to pick a criterion for your withdrawel. But as luck would have it, I've just been ordained and if I walked off, and there you remained for 31 days, while the moon waxed and waned, I'd never see heaven I'm sure.' So Paul ascended to the Lane and injuries he did not feign and uttered a rather wise refrain: 'Don't ever get drunk near a gutter!' However our member of the clergy unable to resist the urge he told our Paul he'd catch the lurgy if he ever drank spirits again. Then Paul surged up and the Rev. did he throttle for suggesting that he should refrain from the bottle and returned to his home made of wood, daub and wattle and drunk a whole bottle of Gin. So remember if you do return from a feast and have drunken the products of fermenting yeast to be sure that you never do strangle a priest who condemns this most glorious vice!