poemranker ::Broken by OnTheOtherHand

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Free verse № 55917

Broken

Member since 2003 · Posted 11 Jul 2003 · 6 comments

I hadn't broken into tears yet I didn't think I ever would I did break a few other things that night That beer that finished the case That lounge door that hid that ugly wallpaper That chair that refused to move That foot that was swollen That sweat that November night That sprint that told that cop that I was in trouble That belt buckle that stabbed me as he tackled me That cop's hard shell that made him so fierce The night you died I failed to cry I still haven't That nearly broke me Then a friend asked why I hadn't I told him That you broke free

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mean 5.29 weighted 5.08 rank 6504 views 156 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

6 comments

[4] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 11-Jul-03/3:15 AM Reply
I like this poem slightly less than I like being forced to eat my own shit by my psychotic cell-mate
[n/a] OnTheOtherHand › wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 11-Jul-03/3:19 AM Reply
And you gave it a 4? So I take it shit eating gets a 5?

Far be it from me to look down upon a scatophile.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom 11-Jul-03/9:30 AM Reply
Touching, but lacks enough expression of rage and anger to go with all the broken things. -8-

P.S. Frasor Allonby, your former cellmate says next time you say he forced you to eat your own shit, He'll make you eat his as well.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › thepinkbunnyofdoom 11-Jul-03/2:46 PM Reply
I know it needs work. Just getting it out and down and giving it some time for now. An eight is a lot more than I expected.
[8] Bachus 11-Jul-03/2:43 PM Reply
lol.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › Bachus 11-Jul-03/2:45 PM Reply
At......?