untitled 2

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Jul 2002 · 4 comments

drifting past this horrid life i'm clinging on dearly the tauntings and praises fading into nothingness my vision is blurred i can hardly see is it my eyes or the tears that are making me blind i can't see the shore anymore the people around they are gone i'm all alone the swirl of colours they are too bright is that light am i near the shore straining my eyes i thought i was near floating on with renewed hope suddenly i'm plunged into darkness i groped for somthing to hold onto the water is freezing i'm trembling cold, wet, hungry i want this to end when will i reach this shore where i'll feel safe and secure or will someone come in a boat and hurl me out of this state or am i destined to travel this journey alone they say i can survive this ordeal it'll make me stronger well maybe that is true but will i be able to reach this shore in one piece and to keep this faith when will all this end when hope is bleak the water is choppy i'm afraid i might drown into this velvet waters to sink and never see the shore again who will save me i'm so exhausted i do not feel like moving on anymore yet my heart tells me to when will i reach my destination?

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.91 rank 9625 views 137 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

4 comments

[3] evergreen 8-Aug-02/3:43 PM Reply

way too long. you could have gotten the point across with less.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 8-Aug-02/4:58 PM Reply

As soon as I read the title, I knew this poeme was going to be deep. But I did not realise how deep. It really touched me like no other poeme ever has! The struggle to reach the safety of shore symbolises my own stuggle with obesity. As I stuggle to reach the T.V remote, I am left with two choices: 1) Get up and walk to the remote 2) Eat until I grow so much flab in that direction that I can reach it without moving. My butler is preparing the necessary foods as we speak.

[0] Bachus 8-Aug-02/7:12 PM Reply

I immediately demand to know who gave the 10 and who gave the 3. This poem is not only a fine tuned piece of "art" and deserves to be framed above my fake mobile home fireplace right above my mantelled
collection of choose your own adventure books! But it also forces me to be soooooo introspective. I give it a 0, because here at poemranker good is bad. We are bi-polar and bi-sexual romance novel worshippers! Bow now to this underachieving poetic prose. Bow! Heads down I say!

[10] frdup717 29-Jul-04/2:58 PM Reply

i enjoyed this
reminds me that im not alone in such a lonely world