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reflexion - dayspring to dusk (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme
you are dreamer, sleeping and walking across the sword long and keen, piercing the center of the stream, pullulating dampening the bloody rocks where silence lay. vibration triggering explosion illusion made real, visions blossom from flower. drinking hour, immersed in the waters of life but breath will not come about.

Down the ladder: the way things are goin'

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.625
Weighted score: 5.1680884
Overall Rank: 4977
Posted: September 16, 2003 11:03 PM PDT; Last modified: September 16, 2003 11:03 PM PDT
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Comments:
[0] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 195.92.67.66 | 17-Sep-03/9:08 AM | Reply
I really enjoyed reading this poem!!!
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 17-Sep-03/11:44 AM | Reply
Interestinely
[8] LuckyJoe @ 206.72.7.60 | 17-Sep-03/3:18 PM | Reply
I enjoyed the poem. I think line one needs to be tweeked a little or what was the purpose of it? "you are dreamer" I almost didn't read on due to that being the first line. I just see my four year old neise saying that to me.
[8] nentwined @ 209.31.226.178 > LuckyJoe | 17-Sep-03/6:26 PM | Reply
If your niece can understand the personification of 'dreamer', you should be proud.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.145.47 > LuckyJoe | 18-Sep-03/9:57 AM | Reply
well, other than it appearing like kiddie scrawl at the start, whats wrong with it? the label "dreamer" has MANY meanings behind it, and leads to other interesting things.

your four year old niece could say that, sure, but would her saying it serve a purpose in any piece of writing what-so-ever?

what would you suggest?
[8] nentwined @ 209.31.226.178 | 17-Sep-03/6:24 PM | Reply
pullulating?

has a good tone/rhtyhm/feel. 8.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.145.47 > nentwined | 18-Sep-03/10:01 AM | Reply
pullulating - pullulate (verb)

1: Be teeming, be abuzz

2: Move in large numbers

3: Produce buds, branches, or germinate; of plants

4: Become abundant; increase rapidly

5: Breed freely and abundantly
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