poemranker ::7 Days of Suicide by dragonfly

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Free verse № 74011

7 Days of Suicide

by dragonfly

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Nov 2003 · 10 comments

Every Sunday morning, while the family's at church, I walk up to the mountain and climb the tallest peak and dance with the thought of somersaulting over the edge. Every Monday night, while the family's fast asleep, stomachs full from tv dinners, I float down the stairs and into the kitchen and imagine sticking my head in our unused oven. Every Tuesday afternoon, on my way home from school, I take a detour and pass the neighborhood train station where I toy with the idea of taking a nap on the tracks. I doubt I need to say more. You catch my drift, I'm sure.

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10 comments

[7] ARTIE 7-Nov-03/3:53 PM Reply
"to dance with the thought of" dealing with the other four days of the week. Dreams... in the night. Big City madness leaves me to ponder the unused oven. I like the "open end".
[7] Shuushin 7-Nov-03/9:15 PM Reply
Awwwwww - we find a Bjork fan in our midst.

Did you throw car parts and cutlery off the peak too? I'm just giving a gentle ribbing (for your pleasure); you've given this some fresh angles.
[n/a] dragonfly › Shuushin 7-Nov-03/9:35 PM Reply
ya know...i never thought of "hyperballad" when I wrote this. The church is around the corner and the mountain is literaly 2 blocks away. Don't worry. I can't somersault.
[7] SupremeDreamer 7-Nov-03/11:17 PM Reply
i think of ways to commit murder and make it look like a freak accident. everyones different ofcourse, heres a seven.
[7] ShaNoN+960317485 8-Nov-03/2:31 AM Reply
id hate 2 see ya in the rest o the week - what wud u be doing i hate 2 ponder...But liked ya ideas of childish n simple methods fr suicide. It brings in a strong end of the stick called emotion into the pic..
super wud be a mockery, but good wud be fair:o)
[7] deleted user 8-Nov-03/2:13 PM Reply
I sometimes walk up the highest peak of a mountain and throw myself off.

Then I realise mountains are not usually shear faces and just roll down.
[8] http://mulberryfairy 9-Nov-03/11:23 AM Reply
The oven isn't quite unused if you just made TV dinners, is it? I would allude to the smell of the TV dinners in the oven, "the mixed stink of Hungry Man meatloaf/potatoes/corn/brownie" to show that your narrator is serious enough to open the oven. I wouldn't toy around with train suicide stuff, see my poem "body image" for a fictionalized example of a true story. You know, it throws me off a little that there is no reason given for the suicide ideation, but maybe the reasons for suicide don't work for poetry because they seem too cliche. If this narrator is actually you, as a clinical social worker, I would recommend that you try to find someone to talk to about this stuff. It is usually difficult to get away from that kind of thinking alone, but it seems like you want to, or you wouldn't have told the poemranker audience about "your" (if it is your) suicidal thinking.
[n/a] dragonfly › http://mulberryfairy 9-Nov-03/9:47 PM Reply
lol...my tv dinners are always microwaveable
[8] edpeterson 14-Apr-04/12:44 PM Reply
Funny.
[7] lmp 14-Apr-06/9:20 AM Reply
i think to make this more powerful, you could go all the way through six days. leaving the seventh out would allude to success, maybe. especially with the title talking about 7 days, stopping after only three is selling the idea way short, less than halfway.
besides, i want to see what other ideas you come up with...
besides bjork's "hyperballad" (a favorite of mine, BTW), there is peter greenaway's film "Drowning by Numbers" which would be a great resource to consider if you want to continue this poem. besides, michael nyman;s music is fantastic to listen to when being creative, like writing and painting, etc.
here's the imdb link to the film:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092929/

i really would like to see more work on this; i hope i do get the chance before i die. ;P