Free verse № 79521
(Come find me)
Come find me
some chalk-white-sky morning, where Iâve been biding
my time, a fallow field â I can grow a tree
as well as the next man. Iâm a crop of mushrooms, blindly
waiting my birth, and sick of hiding â
Come find me,
in my horse-eaten hill-pasture â come! pull up the ground
with your tunneling fingers; remind me
why Iâve saved you the power of finding, and for me
only the frailty of needing to be found.
Come find me!
For that night I rear up alone out of the dank debris
of my underground labor, spreading upon the fescue
my great irregular limbs â before and behind me,
colossal, wet, and grotesque â you
Will wish youâd come when I asked you.
And you will not be dealt with kindly.
And no one is coming to your rescue.
7 comments
It kinda sounds like your pissed about something. If thats the case get in touch with that because it doesn't really show here.
I like the first three stanza's quite a lot, but the end doesn't cut it.
What are you saying, that the whimsy of a sentient fungus is not just a metaphor and this is a horror poem? Or are you alluding to the effects of poison/hallucinogenic mushrooms -- if so it could be sketched much better.
But you taught me a new word, that's pretty rare, lol.
Nitpick: no need to say great when in the next line you say colossal.
However you carried on and tried to build up a picture which is good. Unfortunately there were too many metaphors pulling the reader about.
Personally I like this and applaud the imagination. But you have to be wary that to get anywhere you will encounter poetry purists who insist on better organisation.
What goad says is correct, and comes from himself spending months being flogged in the eratosphere.
truly great work - one of the best ive seen
like the rhyme scheme
- i give it a 10 -
~mega
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