DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

forgetful dyke

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Apr 2004 · Edited 14 Apr 2004 · 18 comments

I went out to dinner with my parents last night A Mexican restaurant of their choice I caught their looks when I came down Their disapproving stares at my baggy jeans, my black beanie and my chain wallet No one can accept me, not even the woman who brought me to life The restaurant was packed on a Saturday night so I got all their stares, too I went outside right away for a cigarette And then, ever the gentleman, I hid my Marlboro's under my napkin so my parents wouldn't have to stare at cancer all night Dinner was uneventful, but the music was good I didn't speak to them, but tipped the guitar player $10 $10 that I will need for more cigarettes because in all my kindess, I forgot mine under my napkin.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.70 weighted 5.85 rank 1578 views 200 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

18 comments

[8] deleted user 14-Apr-04/11:03 PM Reply

Depressing, but I see the picture and shouldn't get all mommy-like on you.

[n/a] elizabethann › deleted user 15-Apr-04/1:02 AM Reply

Care to tell me why it is depressing?

[8] deleted user › elizabethann 15-Apr-04/7:18 AM Reply

Forgetfulness, smoking. But mostly because all the characters are locked in preconceived boxes and won't even talk to each other.

[n/a] elizabethann › deleted user 15-Apr-04/10:16 AM Reply

Oh. Okay.

Damn.

Now I think it's depressing.

[10] Stephen Robins 15-Apr-04/4:30 AM Reply

Your parents suck blended cock milkshakes.

[n/a] elizabethann › Stephen Robins 15-Apr-04/10:16 AM Reply

Yes.

They certainly do.

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Apr-04/5:24 AM Reply

Haha! Good one!

MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE

[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[X] Arbitrary line breaks
[X] Clerical errors
[_] Ellipses used overabundantly
[_] Lower case only
[_] Internet shorthand / emoticons
[_] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam
[X] Devoid of rhyme
[X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc)
[X] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc)
[X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery
[X] About drugs
[_] About romantic love
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[_] About writing
[_] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart)
[_] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Concerns the author's social pastimes
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Vicarious wish fulfilment
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Smugly-named protagonist
[X] Sanctimonious
[_] Untitled
[_] Gushingly religious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[X] Rage against the machine
[X] Self-obsessed

-11-

[n/a] elizabethann › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Apr-04/10:18 AM Reply

Well.

I like it.

[6] edpeterson › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Apr-04/12:32 PM Reply

wait, you forgot one.
Author has "angel" in his/her name.

[9] Shuushin 15-Apr-04/6:18 AM Reply

cute - enjoyable vignette.

[n/a] elizabethann › Shuushin 15-Apr-04/10:16 AM Reply

Grazie.

[3] Bachus 15-Apr-04/3:58 PM Reply

Odds are you'll go from SMOKING TO CUTTING TO THE CANNERY. I've never seen any one describe smoking in a more exquisitely neither here nor there way ever. That deserves a fucking three. here's an idea... take your wallet chain and hang yourself from it with an entire pack of cigarettes puffing away from your twat... maybe that'll get your ten bucks back and a mustache ride from the mariachi with the guitar, and your dad to buy you a life...

If you didn't have some image of curt cobain wedged so far up your ass that you can vaguely here the muddy banks of the wishka eminating from your eyebrow piercing I bet you'd be even fucking COOLER?

[n/a] elizabethann › Bachus 15-Apr-04/4:15 PM Reply

Well aren't you rude. At least I got a three, could be worse. I really don't believe that your suggestion to hang myself with my chain wallet was necessary at all. Actually, the guitar player was white .. and I believe most of the playlist consisted of Tom Petty songs.

Kurt Cobain .. hate the guy, honestly.

And I don't have an eyebrow piercing.

Yet.

I am cool. Get over it.

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › elizabethann 15-Apr-04/5:32 PM Reply

Don't you know when you've been zinged?! TO THE MAX?!?!?!?!?! You couldn't possibly be cooler than horus8. He is a latchkey street poete raised on poptarts and jew semen.

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Apr-04/5:42 PM Reply

And despite the fact that nearly all of his poetry is a series of furious sex-obsessed rants that make no fucking sense, it's about three billion times more enjoyable to read than your limp sanctimonious nonsense. You're like a sweating nude crotch that inexplicably parades itself down the street, and then goes home and writes in its diary about how mean people are.

[n/a] elizabethann › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Apr-04/6:53 PM Reply

Ha. Your comment gave me a good laugh.

I like you.

[7] richa 17-Apr-04/11:04 AM Reply

It is OK, relating of a fairly meaningless but nevertheless charming story. By the way unless your mum is a soul reever I very much doubt she 'brought you to life'.

[n/a] elizabethann › richa 17-Apr-04/2:30 PM Reply

Thanks. Yes, it is fairly meaningless but I thought it was amusing. Oh and by the way, my mother is that and so much more.