poemranker ::Black Belt by etherealmaiden

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Free verse № 99913

Black Belt

by etherealmaiden

Member since 2004 · Posted 2 May 2004 · 16 comments

Homework to do Grades to get I must be perfect Tighten the Belt Roommate troubles Feeling left out I must try harder Tighten the Belt Room is a mess Parents are mad I must clean up Tighten the Belt Friends are gone Relationships lost I must find a way Tighten the Belt Couples all around Love in the air I must get a man Tighten the Belt Eating less food Reflection looks worse I must lose weight Tighten the Belt Everything's wrong Never good enough I must get it right Failing to breathe Spiraling thoughts I am in heaven One more notch

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16 comments

[7] wilco 2-May-04/4:01 PM Reply
This seems to be a statement on anorexia nervosa, no?
[n/a] etherealmaiden › wilco 3-May-04/8:46 AM Reply
not exactly for me, but it's whatever you make of it... so sure. For me it is about strangulation and pulling tighter as you think about all of the things that you can't do right and all the pressure. They are both forms of self-mutualtion and it works for both. *shrugs* it's up for interpretation
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 3-May-04/9:26 AM Reply
I'd quite like it if you tightened the belt around your hands.
[n/a] etherealmaiden › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 3-May-04/9:37 AM Reply
can i get an explanation of why you think it doesn't work? Isn't this supposed to be a constructive process?
[5] deleted user › etherealmaiden 3-May-04/10:34 AM Reply
Allow me to talk to you about Dark Angel. Anything you write which he finds clever, smart, true, inspiring, etc., he does not respond to. He waits for your oversight, slip, or weak statement in an area where he knows more, and then he pounces. He has a hundred words for feces and sprinkles them freely in place of your poem, your comment, your idea, your knowledge, or your name. If you show him up or teach him something, he simply ignores you. If he finds error, he attacks the error while ignoring the substance of your statement. He is the Western outlaw before Law. He lives by ruthlessness and therefore wins. Dark Angel will always win because he shoots in the back, kills the easy prey, and there is no law against it. You can ignore him or fight him. Both methods fail in a lawless society like Poemranker. I hope this helps.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › deleted user 3-May-04/10:37 AM Reply
Yes. That is exactly true.
[5] deleted user › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 3-May-04/10:37 AM Reply
Thank you, I thought so.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › deleted user 3-May-04/10:38 AM Reply
Except that my name isn't 'Dark Angel', it's '-=Dark_Angel=-'. I went to the trouble of legally changing it, so you might as well get it right.
[5] deleted user › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 3-May-04/10:55 AM Reply
Guess I could grant you that.
[n/a] etherealmaiden › deleted user 3-May-04/5:13 PM Reply
WOW... that whole thing took place while i was away. Thanks for all the info and i'll look out for all of it in the future. ;)
[7] Shuushin › deleted user 3-May-04/10:57 AM Reply
To Know Him, is to Love Him - to Love Him, is to loose all hope.
[7] Shuushin 3-May-04/11:01 AM Reply
I must say that it does convey a sense of increasing constriction.

How 'bout making this a concrete with a shape like an hourglass?
[7] wilco › Shuushin 3-May-04/11:30 AM Reply
Das a good'n idear.
[n/a] etherealmaiden › wilco 3-May-04/5:13 PM Reply
i'm not much for concrete poetry, but i'll look into it, thanks! how do you suggest doing it since all the lines are the same length... just push them altogether until i get the right shape?
[7] richa 3-May-04/1:01 PM Reply
I agree with nowhereman. This poeme shouts anorexia nervosa.

I get a sense of anorexogenic environment (the expectations) and an anorexic mindset (the repetition of tighten the belt and the disordered nature of the poem as it draws in all its threads).
[8] Ranger 18-Mar-06/2:21 PM Reply
This is cool, nicely concise - fast as though struggling for breath (due to the belt being too tight). There are a couple of places where I'd change word choices purely for rhythmical reasons - 'couples all around' I'd change to 'couples around', 'I must lose weight' would work better as 'I have to lose weight', but to be fair these are just small issues. Overall, not bad!