nentwined5 Oct 2006

I don't know the story you're referencing in enough detail to really know what's going on from the poem. It makes more sense on a line level, now, so it's not until I get to the end that I really know I don't know what's going on.

I'd change "claiming he is" to "claiming to be"--things are vague enough that there could be _another_ he... or perhaps the _parables_ are claiming that the ghost he is ...

What rickety boat? That metaphor jumps away from the piece, for me, in a very confusing way.

I really like "but stricken [...] strikes back".

Screaming for help, sinking like a stone?

What do you see?