regarding some deleted poem...	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/11:36 AM
Excellent... Hard to believe you wrote this. Very well written.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 66.92.28.14	28-May-04/11:31 AM
/me wants "'twixt or 'tween over 'between' (for flow) I'd drop vacuum-like to vacuum, for flow, and the 'like' isn't needed. beautiful last line. I want this set to deathmetal. :)
regarding some deleted poem...	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/11:42 AM
Quite good.
Re: The putrescent mother & her son. by Don-Quixote	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/11:50 AM
Just fuck her and get it over with, you'll feel much better, and in the end? They only bring us here, they don't have any answers, trust me. I spent my entire life thinking I had to fix my parents, and about ten minutes burying them both. some people spend their entire lives in reverse and denial dude, just fucking looking for trouble. When it gets right down to it some parents are helpful and an asset, and some our mere shit, and a liability, and... We all know what good dead weight is? Amputate that shit with a red hot spatula, and get on with your life.
Re: Last Ride by KnightofMidkemia	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/11:51 AM
Preperation H
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	28-May-04/12:06 PM
While you do seem to regularly write about the same topic, I'm not going to deduct points for that. You write about what you want and this is not too shabby.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	28-May-04/12:09 PM
"It seems he cannot to decide whether or not": I kind of like this one but this line bothered me.
Re: The Bed by Fear of Garbage	wilco 24.176.102.131	28-May-04/12:12 PM
Are you really only 16? You don't see many teenagers that can write this well. Keep it up.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	28-May-04/12:16 PM
This would be good set to deathmetal.
Re: You wash up, I forget. by Bachus	artiphishal 24.141.70.45	28-May-04/12:19 PM
the luminous drifting from room to room carrying thoughts in tow. ruminating like a fat hamster on a plastic wheel........waiting for the right moment to jump off. and who ever does. giving inanimate objects life is so feckin' glorious. "medicine cabinet's mirror"...........all it was...was a comma but i felt my fingerprint on the glass. j.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 66.92.28.14	28-May-04/12:25 PM
nice flow, but I don't get into it. very pretty, though. I think I want something the slightest bit more specific, more personal, ... something. in the middle, ish.
regarding some deleted poem...	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/1:07 PM
What kind of a dinosaur were you?
regarding some deleted poem...	artiphishal 24.141.70.45	28-May-04/1:35 PM
We, thin lipped losers strung out on chance and cigarettes, still praying for a win, faithful fucks courting the lady's hand with our pathetic charms and smacked up veins sadly lacking. ///// black jack poker face chunk of cheek too tired to speak. the sound of dice rolling. the filtered air spewing. the women attached to their livelihoods by strings and cords and cards. smiling a grimace with a creature comfort smoke clenched between yellow teeth. noted: brutish and delicate double entendres of the sexual nature. j.
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.14.235	28-May-04/2:21 PM
the title could be death metal.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 209.178.130.30	28-May-04/1:55 PM
Nice proud structure, I love that. The beginning needs to be tightened a bit. the section were you start going about your business, mow wash shower dress, that's were the flows at. Could you carry some of that energy back to the front? There's something about the last line that's too pedestrian for this much heart felt philosophy. What if you left that last line completely out? Also you've got that lovely rhyme between 'before' and 'drawer' which would tie up well with 'once more' at the end of a last line. I don't know how you feel about rewrtiting things to death, I'm compulsive about it, but if your happy I'm happy.
Re: Get it straight by tre	edpeterson 68.79.14.235	28-May-04/2:36 PM
zappa, monster guitarist....not poet. this is okay
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.14.235	28-May-04/2:18 PM
wha?
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 209.178.130.30	28-May-04/2:28 PM
How does a gossamer kiss have a sanguine depth?
Re: tearthief by artiphishal	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/3:12 PM
Not bad
Re: Get it straight by tre	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	28-May-04/5:33 PM
Everything you've said can also be accurate you know?