regarding some deleted poem...	AskittlesK 69.3.222.54	27-Mar-04/11:00 PM
i'm lost........
Re: Disaster in Disguise by Miggy	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:00 AM
But now that I[ve] opened them I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme. What's this one about?
Re: A Garden Wall by somemorepoetry	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:03 AM
Sure.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:04 AM
yeah... um. no.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:07 AM
It does a fair job of managing the cadence, and consistent too. Interesting languange. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this one.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:08 AM
Nice, H. Works real well. "And little things made me glad."
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:11 AM
Its a pretty interesting idea in there, and it evolves well in the first two stanzas. I think the last half of the last bludgeons the point a bit though - _especially_ with it being in first person.
Re: Checkmate by purplewalrus	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:13 AM
Not feeling this one - leaves me with half my face scrunched up.
Re: You are a Fool, Dad by AskittlesK	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:20 AM
Too simplistic; I don't buy it. The 1/begun rhyme did it in.
Re: Horny Hornswoggling by purplewalrus	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:19 AM
"And present a number of social agenda" despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question. Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway. Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).
Re: my secret by tre	zodiac 67.240.155.248	28-Mar-04/6:52 AM
Do not read this if you haven't yet seen the incredibly good movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, as this is almost an exact plot summary as written by an infinite number of drunken monkeys banging on infinite malfunctioning typewriters.
Re: a lie by tre	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:23 AM
Good. This touches something real. I'll suggest to extend it slightly so that you don't end on a question - this is not a good way to end (a difficult thing to do well).
Re: my secret by tre	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:30 AM
It kept me reading though I was thinking "too much, too many words" - This theme of unrequited love/breakups is soooo done - BUT - you put a nice slant into it with some fresh ideas: "You kissed me in public. You didn't care" the "wife" angle. The trick will be to pare it down a bit without losing the sense of realism or honesty - to not make it a cathartic fabrication/built-thing. And this time, the question in the ending works pretty well. Would have more punch if there was some reference to it earlier on (but not the word music). I want to give it a nine, but I'm held back by the theme - you could very likely tweak this up to good effect.
Re: my secret by tre	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159	28-Mar-04/6:30 AM
Kill him, then yourself.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.193.99	28-Mar-04/6:35 AM
Like the sound, especially the last four lines. A couple of picks:- Weakened ears? - Only if they have been exposed to loud music. Weakened in the context (morally weakened) does not really apply well to a physical organ. Using the word bod in a syllable counted form makes me suspicious it is forced.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Mar-04/6:35 AM
it's back!! The ending sentence works in this one MUCH betterly. After some quick consideration I like that alot. are you saying feet as a unit of measure along with the clay pots? I miss this line: "The warm wind and sun's precise words, the dandelion clock"
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.155.248	28-Mar-04/6:46 AM
Number two. Passionately number two. And speaking of number two, I just did.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.212.104	28-Mar-04/6:59 AM
A deeply compressed tramp egg powered by a Vietnamese spoon trolley
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.155.248	28-Mar-04/7:04 AM
A sonnet. 10.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	28-Mar-04/9:25 AM
A sonnet by anybody's guess. And with an old-time ring. So why use the new-time "bod"? Old washed-up poets, like dead things, stinking in a ditch. Very good.