regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	29-Jan-04/1:56 PM
Much more of an Ode.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	29-Jan-04/2:36 PM
Rather Blah! Forgive yourself.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 204.85.15.47	29-Jan-04/1:35 PM
Once again there are problems. I'd be happy for suggestions, even the suggestion to toss it.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	29-Jan-04/1:45 PM
Sob!
regarding some deleted poem...	annabellee 64.252.99.177	29-Jan-04/1:51 PM
<We been drawn>? Is this how you intended it? Shades of Carl Sandburg. Nice! 9
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	29-Jan-04/2:17 PM
i really liked this, but felt like it was only an opening to a much longer piece i was definitely left wanting more, and not in a good way still, very nicely worded
regarding some deleted poem...	lastobelus 217.82.14.113	29-Jan-04/2:22 PM
well...I'm the kind of person who embarasses himself cracking up laughing at funerals and other sombre occasions, but still I think you go a little too over the top to keep a completely straight face. Particularly egregious for me was "bury us yonder." Which is too bad, because it could be moody and broody and nicely dark, which is what I think you intended. can you rhyme Losserand with stands? I'm a bad Canadian and have next to no French, but I think the a is long as in father?
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	29-Jan-04/2:38 PM
A lot of words. A lot more than you needed.
Re: Spare Change by andrewjthomas	zodiac 24.93.71.47	29-Jan-04/2:50 PM
Moron is not the right word. Around here they pronounce it with two syllables - which is astonishing, considering they pronounce everything else with as few as possible. Maybe 'dupe' would work?
Re: Dream Wars by lastobelus	zodiac 24.93.71.47	29-Jan-04/3:05 PM
The two unders in the first stanza is daring. I don't know whether to call you on it. (And so far, this is a carbon copy of my planned next post, which will now in the spirit of difference be a jaunty silly ballad of Hero and Glorianne.) Also in st.1 the German motor gets by, but the BMW in the next sentence stops me cold. You can't reintroduce the car like that. In st.2 I feel like 'by the path' is a little weird. I know what you're saying, but 'On the path' sounds better to me. Don't ask why. And 'The black night of the sky' is just wrong. Those things aside, I liked it. Evocations of sleeplessness on really late nights just tickle my spleen.
Re: Ghost by lastobelus	zodiac 24.93.71.47	29-Jan-04/3:24 PM
8 for getting better. Also 8 for not being your best.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	29-Jan-04/3:55 PM
Not fond of comments Huh. This is still not up to your usual standards.
Re: Ghost by lastobelus	zodiac 24.93.71.47	29-Jan-04/4:27 PM
As far as I'm concerned it improves with each repost. I'm sorry I called it a pimple. Much of this really appeals to me - but if I write more, I'm afraid I'll push CLS/Lydia evelyn's darling comments off the page. Mayhap later.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sam 203.160.161.10	29-Jan-04/4:35 PM
Great one here, although i'm still trying to figure out what it means. I am having a good picture though.
regarding some deleted poem...	lastobelus 217.82.14.113	29-Jan-04/4:55 PM
This is an intriguing idea, and I like the kick-in-the-pants last line. is line 2 the way you intended it? It seems to be missing a word. A little nitpick: since you seem to be going for terse, tight & pithy, why not get rid of the unnecessary the at the start of S.2L.2. and "to" in S.3L.3?
regarding some deleted poem...	lastobelus 217.82.14.113	29-Jan-04/5:00 PM
At first this seemed substantially more interesting than your usual fare, but I was disappointed never to learn what your crime was. But there is no actual depiction of a crime to warrant the dismay of the introduction, instead it degenerates into generic bitching and moaning. I'm very disappointed, I was all eager to give you a good vote for a change.
regarding some deleted poem...	lastobelus 217.82.14.113	29-Jan-04/5:03 PM
Ms. Swift. Why write the same pome over and over again? What is the pointe? Fuck, I mean point. Goddamn Dark Angel and his spurious e's.
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	zodiac 24.93.71.47	29-Jan-04/5:42 PM
Great Tennyson. I'm reading Tennyson right now, and you do him very well. Do you know Ms Parker's great 'Penelope'? Also - I wish you would read my last post, as I was trying to do some Tennyson myself and would like to see what you think.
regarding some deleted poem...	penguin fiend 216.207.134.87	29-Jan-04/5:56 PM
i dunno, should you?
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	Sam 203.160.161.10	29-Jan-04/6:07 PM
Great one here...reminds me of the struggle in the early days when women are trying to find their voices and be heard and be given the chance to depend not only themselve but the world as well.