| Re: What Was An Attempt Is Now Gone by Blindpoetry |
penguin fiend 216.207.134.87 |
29-Jan-04/6:27 PM |
|
You did what i can't do, write a good hate poem without rhyming *clap clap*
|
|
|
 |
| Re: HALF by imperfect_creation |
penguin fiend 216.207.134.87 |
29-Jan-04/6:31 PM |
|
nothings imperfect about this to me
|
|
|
|
| Re: Our visions by penguin fiend |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.116.54 |
29-Jan-04/6:57 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: What Was An Attempt Is Now Gone by Blindpoetry |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.116.54 |
29-Jan-04/6:58 PM |
|
This is actually a better poem than your non-pimple poems. How'd you do that?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Our visions by penguin fiend |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.116.54 |
29-Jan-04/7:09 PM |
|
Your poems are about homosexual jews licking the chrome off of America.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
nothingtoanyone 65.177.240.253 |
29-Jan-04/9:19 PM |
|
It's not stated as a question but a thought so you sould just think about it...
|
|
|
|
| Re: Do you have a hard time... by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
annabellee 69.0.80.246 |
29-Jan-04/10:09 PM |
|
500
lbs. of salty justice. That's a bit much. For any man!
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215 |
30-Jan-04/2:07 AM |
|
If you ever get anything published by a non-vanity publisher, I will personally eat a hat of your choosing.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
30-Jan-04/2:25 AM |
|
Crystal,
I have just arrived whilst reading your poetry:
"Deep in me, myself is free,"
Stephen Throbbins
(NB For arrived read cum)
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
30-Jan-04/2:33 AM |
|
Our Lord Jesus did not go to his death for you to produce this bile.
"Their passion boiled and flies,
Their "forever" now dies."
I used to think Zac from Saved by the Bell was cool. I have, therefore, in the past been guilty of badly formed opinions however I feel I am right to assert that this poem is indeed the largest trunk of decomposing cattle throats smeared in the dried ejaculent of a thousand old men I have ever read.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/5:43 AM |
|
Why is this so long? And you have a seemingly bottomless well of self-pity. Please please please think about something other than yourself. 'Knowing that my end is near'? For God's sake, some lad's been messing you about. Get over it and go out and meet other people and learn about them and get yourself in perspective. You never know, you might enjoy it. You might even write something different. Go on, promise me you will.
Rant over.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Pathetic lill' me.. by clumseYdaiseY |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/5:44 AM |
|
Is this a satire? It's very badly spelt, whatever it is.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/5:54 AM |
|
Tense = past, present or future. Let us look at this in reference to stanza 2.
'After being taken to his bed,/Many tears she shall shed'
This is in the future tense - it will happen in the future (it's also a subjunctive, but we won't worry about that now). This means that any further description of this action should be in the same tense so that the 'time' in which the action occurs is coherent Can you perform the same act in the past, the present and the future at the same time? Unless you are a quantum mechanic, I suspect not.
Therefore, when we reach the line
'Their passion boiled and flies',
all hell breaks loose. Here we have two verbs, one in the past tense and one in the present. They don't agree with the other, and they certainly don't agree with the first clause, which was in the future. 'Flies' does agree with the tense - present - of the last line, but it's too late. All sense has been lost; anyway, the only reason you used 'dies' in the last line instead of 'died' or 'will die' is because it rhymes.
There you go, a brief intro to tenses. Ask your teacher if you have any more problems.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/5:56 AM |
|
But you have made a reference to The Smiths. I salute you.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/6:00 AM |
|
How pointless is this? You spend the whole poem telling us how important 'this day', how it has made you see your life anew etc etc and the you end on the hope that you'll forget it. Well, you've wasted your time there, haven't you? You've memorialised in print, on the Internet, something you'd rather forget. What's more, you've done it in a way that lacks humour, style, imagination, rhythmic invention or originality. Why bother?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/6:05 AM |
|
I can see the Tennyson link in the rhymes - I like them, I think they work very cleverly (and it's not often you see the word 'simoom' - nice!) I think the whole Tennyson thing gets a bit out of hand especially towards the end; it's heard to right with that tone in the 21st century and not sound a trifle archaic. But this is a really intersting experiment.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 24.93.71.47 |
30-Jan-04/6:07 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: To Avalon by annabellee |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/6:09 AM |
|
Very atmospheric and a really nice use of metre. And the cross-rhyme of 'mars' (should be capitalised) and 'stars' is beautiful. This exotic stuff and I agree that it sounds as if it's leading to something else. Is it?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/6:33 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Turncoat by poetandknowit |
Christof 217.44.77.166 |
30-Jan-04/7:41 AM |
|
Is this about Ovid? I like it a lot. Come back poetandknowit, you've not been on the ranker for a long while.
|
|
|
|
