Re: Lonely Hearts by cjg	annabellee 64.252.105.83	30-Jan-04/7:56 PM
This is good. 8
Re: Stronger by devina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	30-Jan-04/11:12 AM
They'll be quaking in their boots when thay read this. Powerful stuff! -10-
Re: Captive by feathers68	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	30-Jan-04/11:34 AM
'within' is one word, as is 'cannot'. You also spelt 'bleakness' incorrectly. In general, the piece is awkward and unpleasantly written. I mean look at this line, for instance: 'The rest is fake my soul is broken.' What you've done there is squashed two stupid sentences into one, extra stupid, non-sentence. You need something to separate the two. Either a semi-colon, i.e 'The rest is fake; my soul is broken!', or just have them as separate sentences. I suspect that had you just written down what you were trying to say, without trying make it into a poeme, you probably would have ended up with something far more coherent. What you have instead is a mess with arbitrary linebreaks. Good effort though! -10-
Re: Alone Together by lynnkyle	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	30-Jan-04/11:40 AM
i really enjoyed how you describe around the topic beating around the bush with artistry : )
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	30-Jan-04/12:10 PM
This is, without a doubt, the filthiest thing I've read on these pages. [Thinly] veiled poetic allusions to oral, anal (etc.) sex, golden (etc.) showers, flesh "decorating" including cutting - kindof scary, really. And given the level of craftmanship - it's not realy poetry is it - it's a shopping list, or at best "what I did on my summer vacation". disgusting.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 208.25.247.89	30-Jan-04/12:19 PM
i punctuated, and capitalized my I's...is the grammar any better???
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	30-Jan-04/1:12 PM
This is twice as good as the tripe CLS just spewed -
regarding some deleted poem...	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	30-Jan-04/2:01 PM
grammar feedback: Line 1: "were" should be "where" Line 4: "to" should be "too" Line 7: "wim" should be "whim"
regarding some deleted poem...	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	30-Jan-04/2:08 PM
"carrion refuse" and "burning youth" feel too cliche i enjoyed the last one the most but "o'er" feels clumsy when read aloud i thought "FL" was an interesting rhyme but threw me off a little as well
Re: Stronger by devina	Goad 217.226.29.223	30-Jan-04/2:50 PM
Those little fuckers.
regarding some deleted poem...	Goad 217.226.29.223	30-Jan-04/3:03 PM
Up until the end you almost had me fooled, but the last two lines give you away as a fraud.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.247.155	30-Jan-04/3:26 PM
100% with goad on this one, sadism is not about hate. When you make a simple mistake like this it annoys the reader.
Re: Drizzle by Sam	richa 81.178.247.155	30-Jan-04/3:34 PM
It reads quite well, but falls into so many traps. Cliches - glimmer like glass faeries/fall like rain Scientific words - fluvial (why not river?) staple poetic words - forlorn.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.247.155	30-Jan-04/3:40 PM
Same as everyone else really -- tell me more about this crime, just don't leave it abstract or I will start to believe it does not exist (even in the imagination).
regarding some deleted poem...	lastobelus 217.226.29.223	30-Jan-04/4:15 PM
NICE twist.
regarding some deleted poem...	NanceXToo 24.229.216.168	30-Jan-04/4:46 PM
Funny! I like the humor in this one.
Re: Winter Rose by Brennan	lynnkyle 64.171.191.214	30-Jan-04/6:04 PM
A bit cliched, but promising.
Re: Take Four by NanceXToo	Sam 203.160.161.10	30-Jan-04/6:05 PM
wow this is great...i could almost feel your poem breath into me...a new beginning with a vengeance or maybe a better self worth.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sam 203.160.161.10	30-Jan-04/6:08 PM
you're great in haikus, your work really worth a contemplation. short but speaks a thousand meanings.
Re: Of an Age Before by cleverdevice	annabellee 64.252.105.83	30-Jan-04/7:53 PM
"long lush fronds" take us right out of the desert. The contrast doesn't make sense.