Re: Some Suburban Clarity by some deleted user	blueyes 205.188.209.14	28-Dec-03/10:20 AM
WOW! I really liked this. I love the way you set this up. It seems to me to be very effective in that it feels like a movement between two people. Very well done!
Re: Is this life real? by singinkygal	richa 81.178.229.179	28-Dec-03/12:05 PM
The end is a bit trite: 'of course it is real (or so it seems)' is not going to add to centuries of debate about human existence. Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too. Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
Re: I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all	Plaidypus 67.122.109.254	28-Dec-03/3:07 PM
Awesome!! (Don't you think its a bit cruel, though? Don't tell me that YOU'VE never been rejected before by somebody you were crushing on...). Nonetheless, if you recategorized this as a pimple poem, its good shit.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Dec-03/6:35 PM
Tweaked, thank you for your comments.
Re: I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Dec-03/6:39 PM
"You make me mad when i should be glad." "Just die aready, i wont cry i'll laugh. I'll be glad, and no longer mad!!!" classic pimple.
Re: Add More Oil by heartlessempath	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Dec-03/6:43 PM
I like this talk of a girl in water, with oil. and I like the poem - I want to give it a nine. so, I will.
Re: Beauty Sleep by Blindpoetry	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	28-Dec-03/6:45 PM
somehow - sad.
Re: Santa’s Journal 25thDec2003 by ShaNoN+960317485	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	29-Dec-03/1:31 AM
Was sitting on it since 25thDec, but did not find time till now. Hope it was a great Holiday n Happy New Year to all o'ya. Cheers
Re: Santa’s Journal 25thDec2003 by ShaNoN+960317485	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Dec-03/4:55 AM
"quelling giggles" - nice
Re: The Beach by Evening	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Dec-03/5:03 AM
Quite nice as is, but I kept wanting to reform it in my mind as I read - prolly cuz we haven't had one like it in a while. lots of very common verbs, not sure if I like that (looked, turned, walked, watched) - dunno - i like it overall nonetheless.
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:22 AM
This seems both clever and banal at the same time. I'm afraid this kind of thing does nothing for me, there's not enough emotional weight to make it seem anything other than flippant. Maybe that's your point. Sorry!
Re: Until I see you again by singinkygal	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:24 AM
Is this a pop song? It's got a nice rhythm, but it doesn't say anything new, or in a new way.
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:32 AM
You have a hell of a visual imagination and a real ear for language as well. So on a sensual level I find this really works. But it doesn't really hang together thematically for me - do you really believe stanza 3? Have you seen Turner, or Titian, and aren't their sunsets specifically strange and wonderful in a way that real sunsets never are? That couplet is a line put in for rhetoric's sake, because it sounds like a good definitive statement, but it hink it is empty. Similarly, I think the first two lines are platitudinous. But there's some really beautiful stuff in the final 8 lines, the identification of boat and artist's canvas really conjures up the journey of self-imagining in a properly surrealist way (you just don't have to spell out the 'surreal' in line 2)
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:36 AM
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:42 AM
This does sound honest. It's a bit inelegant - 'My need to aggress etc' is a bit Oprah. And don't tell us about the stellar school grades and then talk about your aching heart - that's all a rather 'poor me' style of special pleading. If you'ev got a mess inside your head, let your poetry show us why, don't just tell us about it, or how can we know we can believe you?
Re: Add More Oil by heartlessempath	Christof 217.44.71.71	29-Dec-03/8:50 AM
This is dripping with sarcasm and loathing. I love it.
Re: I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all	richa 81.178.229.91	29-Dec-03/9:24 AM
Rather a round about way to say you hate someone for smothering you. Anyway, I'm on dylans side. Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that. Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.229.91	29-Dec-03/9:25 AM
Well I laughed.
Re: Who am I ? by SkateBoardGurl5799	reo316 65.83.112.135	29-Dec-03/10:00 AM
I personaly enjoyed the emotional outburst that was alittle more than rage if you look closly. Its not a text book example of a poem, but It made my day.
Re: Santa’s Journal 25thDec2003 by ShaNoN+960317485	richa 81.178.227.18	29-Dec-03/12:24 PM
'Breasts of the garden uplands' - yes, clear image, interlocking spurs would be the geographical name I think. Like the line breaks, very well crafted. Just a thought, I guess a fun poem like this would benefit from some louder rhymes, like a roger mcgough's childrens poem.