Re: Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	27-Dec-03/5:23 AM
sounds more like a craving to me - wud never call it love
Re: If I can't swim there I'll float by <{Baba^Yaga}>	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	27-Dec-03/5:28 AM
more like you'd be crazy, cold and wishing you be dead.
Re: Dream Me by jasondingus	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	27-Dec-03/5:21 AM
Lets Dream me giving you a ten not a nine
Re: It's lonely at the top by Jeremi B. Handrinos	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	27-Dec-03/6:12 AM
ok u have my attention on this one - hows abt a freakin 10
regarding some deleted poem...	tadpole 24.55.117.36	27-Dec-03/3:19 PM
you should get those pains checked out mister
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:37 PM
Old ground but nevertheless a well textured poem, reads well, mature style I think. One of your best.
Re: Live for Die for by firestorm998	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:39 PM
You could at least have made an effort.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:42 PM
A bit sparse, but I like its balladesque style, rushes through nicely.
Re: Fire by Pervy Elf	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:47 PM
'I have you trapped now' seemed a little odd. Can girls do that? Other than that OK, there is a certain sadness underneath all the clumsiness.
Re: Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:54 PM
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place. But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
Re: dipsipglish by Crakyamuni	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:56 PM
A joke at the expense of rap language? the first line is the best I think, funny
Re: Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/3:58 PM
Can it [love] be blue? Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.240.218	27-Dec-03/4:00 PM
did a schizophrenic write this?
Re: Advice to poets I am passing on from CHARLES DARWIN by Plaidypus	ShaNoN+960317485 199.40.206.3	27-Dec-03/8:54 PM
true 2 the font that ye typed
Re: Live for Die for by firestorm998	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	27-Dec-03/9:58 PM
Certainly a nice idea - but the execution... Despite Richa's [everpresent] sour tone, I agree with him.
Re: Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	27-Dec-03/10:01 PM
I liked "and well-thumbed rosary" but not the repeated noun. Same with stiletto. I like the characterization lots, you know, that you gave her a name.
Re: We Are Still Friends by Blindpoetry	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	27-Dec-03/10:02 PM
yep. thats a pimple alright. good ending.
Re: Chicken Tonight by Bazilla	niyama 68.68.200.193	28-Dec-03/3:06 AM
Could be cute I guess...depending on the way it's arranged...but lyrically, standing on it's own, it's just a bit too odd for my taste. (but then, that's only my taste...)
Re: untitled #2 by darby pyn	niyama 68.68.200.193	28-Dec-03/3:17 AM
It starts really strong I think, then seems to lose momentum and organization. I really like the lines “You wear your ego like a cape”, and “you smile like a new disguise afraid to look me in the eyes.” And “like a rose with too much sun petals wither an come undone” A couple of suggestions: It might be helpful to re-arrange breaks to add some structure, for example (made a couple of grammatical suggestions in brackets too): You wear your ego like a cape. a regal cloak, a vane escape. You[r] smile, like a new [disguise] afraid to look me in the eyes. From this point on, it gets kind of confusing, feels almost as though phrases are missing, you may want to add a touch here and there to give the reader some guidance. All in all I enjoyed your imagery, but needed more to really connect with what is going on in the work.
Re: Time by mozac	blueyes 205.188.209.14	28-Dec-03/10:15 AM
I think you wrote this very effectively. You keep presenting cetain images and pacing an layering certain word together in order to keep the reader drawn in. Sometimes that's hard to do with this type of poem.