regarding some deleted poem...	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/12:09 PM
Moss should be fucking outlawed from poetry, no, really.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	5-Dec-03/12:10 PM
such lovely musical subtext and texture - a story evolving. A novel pounding to get out.
Re: The last Celebrity death match (On ice) by <{Baba^Yaga}>	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	5-Dec-03/12:14 PM
Ja JA - that vuld be awesum!! ([slams fist on table] nicht war??)
Re: Saying of Love by UrbaneSavvy	Shardik 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/4:18 PM
"worderfully"?
regarding some deleted poem...	Shardik 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/7:09 PM
Grody.
Re: Saying of Love by UrbaneSavvy	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:11 PM
waterheavy flows - wary nyce. I think its "how I and you", just for gigs. What do you think - does that sound right? "wondering how I turned into we", - versus "wondering how me turned into we" ... where are the grammar cops when you need them?? I think the shoes are a little heavy on this one, but there is a sense here with some word images that you are capable of much more.
Re: WHEN by Samantha	Shardik 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/7:17 PM
Nine inch snails. 8
Re: WHEN by Samantha	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:17 PM
jail [cell] walking + shut[ting], or walk and shut - pick one. better yet, "walk[ed]" peircing s/b piercing I dunno, the repetition didn't quite work for me although I like the *idea* of the repetition - it reminds me of a ghazal. Maybe 1000 piercing nails isn't scary enough - I thought the lions were more so - a 1000 lions... hmmmm.
Re: xxxmas by kingit	Shardik 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/7:20 PM
Picks up towards the end, thankfully.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:21 PM
either you are in love, or you are full of shit. this has impact - I like it - but loose the first couplet.
Re: Mr Zero? I know who you are. by DreamerSupreme	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:24 PM
I'm never comfortable with the ranker used for bashing like this. Sure, it can inspire a poem - JBH is good with that kind of thing (and I'm fine with that), but this is just - ungood. Go ahead - bash me now. whatever.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:27 PM
rings true, doesn't it - not too shabby, abby. That big first stanza kinda seems begging to be broke - what u think? no?
Re: xxxmas by kingit	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:31 PM
excerrent up to "Eggnog" - its the stacato rum that breaks it. the last stanza... first two lines, fine. The rest - would go nice in a diff. piece methinks.
Re: Letting Go by ThoughtfulSoul	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/7:58 PM
This is me blabbering: The line breaks are telling - even the stanza breaks; well done. Either you've seen lots of good poems, or you have more good ones. But some of the word choices, metaphors are – too easy, to my eye, anyway. Sentimentally, it’s a fairly basic, almost cathartic exercise, but cleanly - efficiently - executed. The tone matches the subject really well. Maybe you’ve just made lots of *this type* of poem. For some reason the frickin thing intrigues me - makes me want to figure it out, as if there is more here. It’s like I want to see the skills used on some other subject, I want the adept structure building to match the images that are placed on it. Now I have to go poke around at your other stuff (when I really should just go to bed, obviously)
Re: Reno by <{Baba^Yaga}>	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	5-Dec-03/8:14 PM
A lyric... - kindof like a Lou Reed type thing? That would work, but I feel like I'm missing the context of this, somehow. The little vignettes are done well - the rhyming stays *just* this side of being contrived. The comments, even though they are over a year old, are pretty entertaining. What prompted the re-post?
Re: No delusions. by darby pyn	Bachus 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/10:16 PM
As it is with carajou.
Re: Mr Zero? I know who you are. by DreamerSupreme	Bachus 24.126.116.54	5-Dec-03/10:35 PM
That and the crotch of the panties.because, well, you see they're crotchless from the alien blood.
Re: xxxmas by kingit	dragonfly 65.234.234.85	5-Dec-03/11:17 PM
I agree with richa...it starts off great, but you get more crude and less fun at the end.
Re: No delusions. by darby pyn	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	6-Dec-03/5:50 AM
Interesting format, and I like the words/mood. I think it wants to be more though. Longer - stick a vaccuum pump on it.
regarding some deleted poem...	capachijim 24.168.26.48	6-Dec-03/7:14 AM
Lovin "Only sand paper’s rough enough to dry all those tears" and "Got too many issues and not enough tissues"