I often stand. I also check out the underage. That's the dirty old man in me.

I like the image - of slicing part of oneself to give to another. That is really conveyed entirely in the second stanza; I struggle to find meaning in the first. Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used. I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.

Well, that was interesting - what is this show rated!! I don't think I've ever read an orchid sex poem like it. Wait, I've never read an orchid sex poem. what is "Watch we" - I posted a poem earlier about nanotech, and thought I might have focused on a relatively small group of folks who would "get it" - I'm pretty sure this would elicit a similar response. Hey - ya can't save em all!

They're such oddly malevolent flowers--this works quite well. I like "twist a whimsied spiral," but "down and around" is redundant, and I am unreasonably biased against the word "abound"--it just strikes me as one of those "committing acts of poetry" words. The "watch we" inversion strikes a little artificially--does it have some purpose other than the rhyme? I'm usually turned off by archaic tones in modern poems, but the orchid has an odd, other-timely formality that makes it work here (it helps that you keep it light and reasonably subtle). Light and shadow, whimsy and floral murder--what's not to like?

You just wanted to say "gloaming".

There is this bar in Fremantle, Little Creatures, that sits right along the water and if you stare long and hard enough you can see all the way across the ocean to Durban. Of course, the worlds may run parallel but are entirely different. You have seen one of these places. Now, for once, I hope you see the other. But as far as the poem above here, you make the worst mistake ever: what is IT?????????????????????????????????????????? Other than that, I quite disagree with the others here and like the flow and like the wording. But what is IT????????????????????????? Talk to me!!!!!!!

Sad. So many good things can be conjured on the throne and this is what you come up with. It is not even funny. You must be 14 and still laugh when you fart.

Good title. Works from beginning to end. Don't listen to the girl formerly know as Z.

Poetry is the lowest art-form known to man.

Divine, -10-

This is awful. 0

overall a good complete poem. I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'. Such phrases are already inferred I think. This poem has a certain frisson without.

all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings. and tears drip from the depth? upwards?. But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling

OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.

a little experiment in metre (actually using it)

An odd picture, I just can't quite see it. Probably my lack of perspective. The style seems o.k. though.

Reminds me somehow of ancient Greece, and toga's. It strikes me today since I just spent the morning hanging my crawling ivy across the ceiling of my living room. It seemed to flow fairly smoothly, 9.

Deeply felt emotion still swirling down there with the source of your tears. I especially like the 'slice of my heart' part (look! I'm a poet too!)yipee.

A few bible quotes twisted around a metaphore for John Candy? Hmmmm let me think. Ouch that hurts, I'll just give you a 7 and go take some asprin.

Richa, I don't discern any consistent meter here. You start with a headless iamb (shy), followed by what I think is a dactyl (sifting the), headless iamb? (pool), iamb (of leaves)/ dactyl (picking up), trochee (flowers), anapest (from the floor) . . . and so on. Admittedly, I'm pretty rusty on scansion, but I wonder if you're hearing a forced meter in your head that I'm just not hearing? Try reading it aloud (as if it's prose--i.e., in a natural voice) and mark where the stressed/unstressed syllables fall--that will help you see the presence or lack of a metric rhythm better than anything. There's nothing that says that you need a particular meter for this--it hangs on imagery (though your imagery is pretty detached from anything, I think) more than anything. But if you want to play with meter, then you have to hear it as others would. My point is that when people talk about "meter," they usually mean some sort of pattern or rhythm to the feet that make up each line--even if it's somewhat mixed throughout. I don't hear any pattern here. I'd call this free verse (i.e., very little in the way of uniform stress patterns).