Re: Love poem (on sense and experience) by thavimatola	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:58 PM
Dark Angel's list. [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [_] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [X] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment
Re: Love poem (on sense and experience) by thavimatola	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:59 PM
Something went wrong. It certainly is NOT suicide-related, and I wouldn't say it was sappy. Some might.
Re: Involunarily yours, by jacqui	jacqui 168.122.237.41	28-Sep-03/10:02 PM
how can you honestly give it one at least give me feedback
Re: The Gentleman by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:14 PM
I don't think "an" was ever appropriate before a G. You are perhaps generalizing from the way "an" before "h" is archaic and fussy. It just sounds wrong here.
Re: AIDS Bonanza! by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:17 PM
Blech.
Re: Child of my Buttocks by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:21 PM
Eschew surplusage.
Re: Dexpression by Roisin	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:23 PM
Hope you feel better, Roisin.
Re: Yet another Morning Glory piss-take by Bobjim	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:23 PM
Not a poem.
Re: bounce by corinacorrie	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:25 PM
80% of the stuff here is worse...
Re: In Memory of Princess Diana by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	baphomet 24.126.113.154	28-Sep-03/10:27 PM
o0
Re: Toxic & Water by Goku SSJ1232	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:27 PM
Six degrees of thesaurus?
regarding some deleted poem...	baphomet 24.126.113.154	28-Sep-03/10:31 PM
i wish i had shoes and no socks
Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:43 PM
I like a poem that saves itself until the last line. Anyway, it's a very good <i>idea</i> for a poem. I think it could become really good. Try redoing it a half-dozen ways and see what works? My $.02.
Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:51 PM
I think Dark Angel hit upon something with her list. How tiresome all those elements are. It's therefore surprising this poem is mediocre, or maybe better, which is a great deal better than most of the stuff here. Ms. Angel's stuff isn't about teenage love--to her credit--but her vulgarity, strained rhymes and penchant for bogus archaism is very limited, and ultimately irritating. This poem isn’t great, but it could be great; Ms. Angel is going nowhere.
Re: Love poem by thavimatola	thavimatola 209.94.133.143	28-Sep-03/10:55 PM
I shall save Dark Angel the trouble: [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [_] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment
Re: Life on the Sidewalk (with superfluous vulgarisms) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159	29-Sep-03/12:58 AM
The raw emotion that forms the very core of this poem is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. 10.
Re: A decade and five years of thought. by baphomet	SupremeDreamer 204.31.161.14	29-Sep-03/2:03 AM
skull fucking fantastic wish i had bigger wings.
Re: body image by http://mulberryfairy	?-Dave_Mysterious-? 195.92.67.74	29-Sep-03/6:04 AM
You should have just drawn an ASCII picture of a naked woman's body.
Re: War Grave by Caducus	?-Dave_Mysterious-? 195.92.67.74	29-Sep-03/6:07 AM
You must have lots of painful memories about the war.
regarding some deleted poem...	hipster flare 209.68.66.187	29-Sep-03/7:18 AM
What fun! Always bet on black... those silly russians and their games! There must be more to life than sex and vodka!