suprembeaner
on Slimshady Meets Cali Hillbilly (I Don An Afro) by SupremeDreamer
12 Sep 2003, 10:11 PM
best poem I've seen in a long time.
your my idol
truuuuuuu
hillybilly
cheereo
=;/>
can you ovulate in my mouth
we ar the knights who say ni.
very good yng chap.
10
=;/>
3char1per
i think it detracts
because you got no
votes.
what is fashion?not you;/>
killing involved no.
secretive idoling,yes.
3char1per
Where have you been? Getting knocked up by your cane carrying vaudevillian?
This is nice. The love/hate relationship with hormones and the "children" your narrator has resigned to forfeit are all very well constructed. The second line could use another word...like "was full as a petticoat" or, make that part of the sentence below "last night the moon/full as a petticoat/ shown upon this last month of harvest/ (or "this ovulation...") But, whatever, you know I am more of a prose writer so my feedback is slanted in that direction.
Jeremi,
Please accept my deepest sympathy. A life ended so soon is tragic. I have three children around Nicholas's age. Life is so complicated today and kids are torn in so many directions with so many expectations imposed on them. I have a daughter of 21 who struggles with depression...it can be very tough...my heart bleeds for Nicholas' parents. I'm sure your friendship was a source of comfort to him....but life can be so fucking cruel...Be well my friend, Joe-joe
no disrespect to supemedreamer
i like your style
i noticed that you & my brother have the same style
and i wanted to join the cliQue
can you ovulate in a goblet
so i can share it with my
mother.
aah tasty give your address
so next harvest i can help u
that was stifling
like shooting a potato 50 mi
out of my brown spoke.
=;/>3char1per
nicely done yng chap
=;/>
twitterly goog
=;/>
3char1per
But alas, you misspelled "assumption", so all the power that your poem might have had to reverse vasectomies, etc., is voided.
truly inspiring :P
10/10
Gracia
Gracia