SupremeDreamer
on Part I: The Peach by http://mulberryfairy
1 Sep 2003, 9:58 AM
blessed with 8.
normally suicide poems are not for me...but I liked the fact that the wife cares more about the carpet than your death... :)
8
40 quid on onion any day of the week.
should say "I've run away"- but no need to delete your poetry.
Awesome. I liked the repetition and the flow of the poem and the precise descriptions.
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I love your food and love images together. I would like to hear even more about the food.
What a waste of your recyclable organs, to publish the product on poemranker, where all poems, even the worst of them, are underappreciated. Anyway, I think it was a great poem- but wouldn't kill myself for its writing. 10
you poke at things you have no insight into. you think you can jab at this? speaking of chaos, dreams, and poor therapy insight spouting the widely known:
"mommy if i was loved i wouldnt be like this"
Hah. wow. your rusty, and im very motivated. tsk.
im also.. CRAZY! im such a bundle of emotions just waiting to burst! hahahaha.
Take out the question mark after see and leave the one after "sexily bike messanging". Why is "vegan" in quotation marks, is there some doubt that his ingredients are animal free? I think I know this man you are talking about (if indeed this is fact, not fiction) - has the initials of NH and long dread locks? We'll talk.
"Your arms that were just long enough
to wrap around me" - this didn't quite work for me, made me think that this love of your was a small child.
It is a good thing I am in a dramatic & romatic mood today- 9
Nice. I love those images, and how you've placed the corpse in a prison of mute desire for your enviable possessions.
im wondering.. why does this need to be a seperate poem altogether?... 6
Ok, i like the idea, but i think you could have better crafted this into one poem with a much stronger impact.
doing the fancy splitting up didnt offer anything but a bad handicap to your poem. 8 for this one.
lumdadeedum.
The end of this poem is really nice: how the narrator's self-conscious claim of remoreselessness actual reveals guilt (if not about secreting away the peach, then certainly about not feeling guilty about stealing away the peach).
beautiful, even if it is overly gushy.
Beautiful. I like "buzzing mass of fickle need". But then, I'm fickle.
At least this unrequited love is good fuel for poetry.
some deleted user
on goofy poem to prove I'm not morbid (Ode to an Onion) by greym0on
1 Sep 2003, 10:50 AM
this onion poem is more morbid than most.