William Delacroix
on While mining in Tanzania by Bachus
31 Aug 2003, 8:06 AM
Catchy...and disturbing. Nice mix!
Billy D
What text is that? English lit 101? Convert to what? The government stopped researching alternate fuel sources since the Muslims pants'd 'em.
Be safe. Be well. Bring the good fight to the wishing well.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Aug 2003, 1:32 PM
10
I liked it but I think the last verse could go. I love the breaking up of persons ality, clever. -7-
Hrmm.. i might not care for greek mythology poetry, but i think you just sold me on the Norse poetry..
Dont ask me why i like one and not the other.. because im human, opinionated, and am cursed with a discriminative taste organ, aka tongue.
9.
It rocks :D
Most of it is things ive heard before.. love is a subject that is cursed due to it being overdone, but you still managed to pull it off, somehow, with the heart thing and so on.. slightly out of order, but oh well, you get an 8.
Hrmm, might i suggest a subtitle:
Claustrophobic Tweaker
-shrug- just a thought anyway, your poem sparked this idea..
9.
Nice all round. The an in the first line peaks my curiousity a little but I've seen it before. I think you should have kept the repeat of 2nd and 4th line going til the end, but other than that a -8-. I see potential.
"Perfume", but you know what? Who cares. this is a really fine example of poetic magic and universal appeal. this is exactly what young, self absorbed poets like bristol line swaft are missing. The spark of mystery and magic and a connection to your audience. 10.
Sleipner, Odin's horse. I love mythology. Way to go, and you didn't give anything away either. Awesome.
It looks like your aeorta is about to blow a bubble. The end's a bit cliched.
yeah you idiots, i deleted all my poetry because of you.
"absence makes the heart grow fungus"...
If I had your address I'd send you some Zooloft...
(9)
that it is possible to adore someone so much
that you avoid their presence altogether.----sweet...9
novel? Ahhh, ambition, indeed.. you are striving to be "all that you can be IN THE ARMY"
But you bastard, your going to become a mercenary? BAH... ;/ heh. good luck you pink furry rodent.
Oh, heres a 10, call it a goodbye present, or whatever.
Hrmm.. it doesnt have that quality i call beautiful, but its well written, and crafted with skill, lets call it a comely house wife that can cook a good stew and keep her husband happy..
9.
love your poem, I give it a 9, someday I wish to write as you do