SupremeDreamer
on Burning your desert down by Jeremi B. Handrinos
30 Aug 2003, 9:21 PM
hrmm.. heh. 9.
ok, labeled correctly, your the pimple master!
Why is your mother French?
You have to respect the way some people drown though. You know sinkers, flailers, floaters. Those in boats.
also, though: the title? "troublemaker"?
Well done. 10.
Awesome, dude. Thanks for recommending this system to me. Keep on rockin' in the free world. NWA (Yes, those are my real initials.)
this, as a whole, eclipses most else i've read of yours.
an aura of...tenderness, perhaps?
i've forgotten the exact word, at the moment, but inverted paternalism is what i'm trying to get to.
many more questions, though: is it based on a specific person? the..err..rest of the questions will have to wait till later, because i must zoomph into offline mode.
~
again, thank you.
This should be a vilanelle working off of these two sentences.
"Blessed be the cold at heart; their sorrow will not be seen."
"There they trace out fates and futures, battlefields and dreams ".
This piece would work if it was halved and doubled. Do you understand? Like this.
Blessed be the cold at heart;
Their sorrow is not seen
to those who wish to kill;
They hold the aces in their hands,
and like some obscene cataract
let them fall to the earth
where the wayward will;
There they trace out fates
and futures, battlefields and dreams â
They know the future and do not care;
let the world go still!
the second stanza, with the "none to see" didn't fit in my head, but the imagery is beautiful. the idea is beautiful.
If i were to be picky (which i have to right to be, i'd take out the oops, it sort of demeans what you're trying to say. Other than that, :)
This is just so horrible.
I don't even know where to start with the praise so I won't. Lots of good stuff in there though.
Have no fear! It's impossible to burn down a desert.
Change needs to occur at a cellular level to be successful.
I am offended by the use of the term "tarantula holes". Remove it immediately. __________8.3
... -shrug-. I GOT WINGS! :)
What did he get wings for? Playing horse shoes with a Pot holder. Bitchin.