some deleted user
on The Picasso Limerick that Wrote Itself by TanHand
27 Aug 2003, 9:19 PM
Cream!
This poem is about things that are happening and in which they should be the opposite of what is actucally happening, Hince the name "Not Real."
I liked this.. one of these days i need to attack poetic forms.. btw horus, i was wondering if you knew a good website that listed the forms and had examples of how to make them. If you know a good place tell me.
blessed with 10.
Nice work. 10.
I wonder. Hmm??
You're as goth as a blood red rose reclining on a cut of black velvet. Oh, and there's a drop of blood on the stem. And it's black.
It's about goddam time somebody said it. 10.
hrmm.. blessed with nine. nice work.
You must have seen a bum exhibit. Because, my friend, his blue period ferkin rocks. As far as your poem goes... Good questions.
<{Baba^Yaga}>
on Anna Kournikova (Pretense of Wesley Willis) by Lie2MePinnochio
27 Aug 2003, 10:20 PM
An exoskeletonless dung beetle. But a nice observation 4.
Save one for you. "Hince", the outcome is unfavourable.
Ha Ha, there it is.
What does gravid mean?
Hrmm.. i like this poem, despite the slightly retarded
"life sucks lets shoot somebody" Philosophy..
But.. i guess im a sucker for it.
Heres some suggestions:
Get out of the cliche, get into the soul
bring me into the universe of hopelessness
hate and revenge, trasport my mind
into the head of the crazed and depraved,
show me the world of men unsaved
and without hope..
with that stated:
I Want to take out everyone
(gerunds are weak use of verbs, dont use them
habitually)
With bullets and this gun.
Crazy, Psychotic is what they called it.
But thats fine with me,
because their dead.
oh well, my opinion.. you can always tell me to go fuck myself and i wont be offended.
lalala.. blessed with 7
hrmm.. this is good.. just needs a bit of a tweak.. ill be brave, why not.. you can just shoot me if you think im suggesting something evil:
Father bribes her with a yellow-white brooch
(striped enamel, diamond, and ten glittery baguettes
that dangle in a black velvet case.)
She stretches up for the honey-pale token,
to pin it onto her blouse, over a heart lit like
a jack-o'-lantern.
But Saturn lumbers off with its curio cloudbank,
sky-tethers the icy shoal elsewhere, padding round
an orbit just out of reach.
----
Not much changing.. just a lil touch up in presentation.. youll have to do any other spicing up yourself... i only do slight facelifts.
Work on this, if you do it well ill give ya a nine..
for now, ill give you an 8.
Different for you. Like women's underwear.
Touch and go, almost there.
Tanhand.. dont try to out do me in picasso poetry, i can get lengthy and zone into the soul of it.. or i think so.. what do you think? check out my two latest posts.
i bless this with 9 btw.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Aug 2003, 9:23 PM
If you swish mouthwash in your mouth long enough, you can swallow it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Aug 2003, 9:20 PM
I am a meat eater.