sliver
on some deleted poem
18 Aug 2003, 7:47 PM
Yes that's right
You know what the difference is between this submission and a bucket of shit? The bucket buddy. But keep trying, I enjoy a good laugh
You know what the difference is between your face and your face? Your face and me hacking off your mother's breasts with a circular saw, while fucking your tight ass with a lukewarm cucumber I've taking the liberty of nicknaming Sliveraldo the Biblemole Western bacon Jiz Bugger.
i think overal it's a good poem but i get alittle confused with your punctuation. i have the same promblem with my poems though. give it a 7
don't see anything and i think it has no effort into it. remember a computer screen is bigger then the little white box u see. try this again 0
I will send myself laUGHING TO HELL!
leisurity is not a word, it is a frame from a woody allen movie.
Ha Ha! yeah. Walka walka.
-=Dark_Angel=- is a WHIMP not a Quark Nugget.
remember lyrics are poems that should be set to music. well in music u usually have a chorus and the chorus is usually repeated. i don't see that in there. it's a decent song but i think it needs alittle more work. good job so far though. 6
haha great great limerick. first time giving this vote number but i think u deserve it. 10
Wow, way to lose a butterfly and gain a steel pin! Nicely done, Mr. Z.Bub.
That wiz ferny.
Your style is definitely one-off. maybe two. I need more lines to "clue me in".
I have no idea about lukewarm cucumbers. Frankly, I don't want to know. But isn't this a rejected Linkin Park lyric? And what kind of accent can rhyme 'killed' with 'field'? if you are gong to pedantically rhyme all the lines in a stanza, at least get it right. 'Faced a thousand foes'? Who are you, Alexander the Great?
Yes is beautifully regret-strewn and rueful, but somethings don't quite sit right, especially in stanza 1. Who are you addressing? Obviously a person wh is neither narrator nor subject, but then what's the reference to 'your nose'? And why is it the wrong question to want to 'know her face' - you then go on to describe it, so why give the answer to the 'wrong question'? Is it the inference that it would be more correct to want to know about her singing? The rest is much better, much more lucidly thought out.
The rhyming you pull off here is just incomprehendibly fire retartent... And stupid. Like 5th grade stupid. But you know that don't you.
Possibly it's my unChristianity holding me back, but I really have no idea what this is all about. 'Inconvenient' is misspelt. The ome of this is very well controlled, though it leaves me cold.
whew. that's a serious piece of poetry there.