Shardik
on \The Moment/ by Son Of A Bitch
17 Aug 2003, 11:16 AM
What exactly is a carcase of snow?
Excellent work, Jeremi.
I suppose you're unaware that we no longer play with your kind of weak poetry. We are strictly into murder Timothy, Murder. We Gangbox.com.
Did she land fetus first? God, I hope so.
I agree, a very strong, introspective work. 10.
It amazes me to see but one poem upon the passing of this great African American role model.
Lovely structure, 9. The last stanza really brought it home in a way your work normally doesn't, frankly.
superb - or should I say super, a.
What are you a Cancer? That's like condeming the rain for being wet.
has a sonorous ring to it...a bit familiar in some way. not to shabby, 7
Michael Hutchinson is crying INXS in heaven.
M. Hutchence, yes, and I just heard an INXS song on the radio quite recently in fact. Want to see F vs. J tonight?? We can take your son with us if we go late enough. I wouldn't leave him at home with that horrible wife of yours.
I think the nonsensical part is just over the line. taper it in a little. keep the street slang. I like the way it starts and changes to "poetry" at the end.
lose the (eeeeffff) line, replace it with something rhyming and silly.
Yes! How can p/k say your poetry is going nowhere? Honestly, I may not understand most of what you are writing, but you have no boxes. no boundaries. no rules. this is what makes you work. once people get past the wrought iron gates, you're an amusement park with the best rides. always worth the price of admittance.
Are you already in Lompoc? Did e-mode put you there? bastards.
Why are you makeing rude comments to my poems ??? I have not said anything about your poems!!! Although i could But I choose not two !!! Try you trying toi be an ASS ???? You do not know me AT ALL !!!
please put a vote on the poem, bad or good, just vote.any comments are more than welcome
class!really nifty.9
take a gander at my one
the last half of the last line is kinda out of tune with the rest, but all round, i like it. 9
take a gander at my one 'confession of a troubled man' tell me what you think,in a vote or otherwise
nice bridgework.