horus8
on Suburban Horror by phbiscuit
15 Aug 2003, 12:51 AM
The end was a toss, and you need an i in patiently, otherwise some very good parts. 7.
thanks for the review
Strong message. Mellow tone.
Very arty / eclectic. Very much in the vein of Master Jim Morrisson and I leave you a full purse of 10 sovereigns.
Yes! NO!!!!!! 0.
yippy
horus8
on A Sonnet For Santa Claus, Who Hates Jesus, But Likes When You Buy Things by snacktime
15 Aug 2003, 11:36 AM
Satan Claws 8 Hayzeus 4 brakefeast.
Ha! ha ha ha...ahhh. What?
"Scores on the headboard" change 'headboard' to gilded loom.
Perhaps you should be spayed or nuetered?
vavoom.
Yep.
Mmmm...Poke it with a stick wonderful. I'll have sweet dreams tonight. Dreams filled with pink balloons and smiling, drooling retards that clap and scream on very fast electric wheelchairs.
Thankyou.(10)
Deep.
<~>
on A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom
15 Aug 2003, 5:59 AM
pbod,
first, run spell check. second, develop the amusing first half of the poem, and drop the proselytizing you ram down our throats in the last part. third, use line breaks and spacing FOR A REASON. not because you're not sure how. for examples, i recommend a book : The New American Poets (http://www.ecampus.com/bk_detail.asp?is
aged:18
endgame:self expression through words
how far you're to go:general gist
actually got chills at the last two lines... must be worth a 10
Time to take your turn at the top. Brilliant.
"spit shined by my pain"...love it!