What's the #1 magician rule? Feed your fucking rabbit lest it die and poo on your do, mid act climax.

me too.

Tales from the front?

the pleasure was mine 9

Reading this I couldn't help feeling that your trying to write this from the perspective of an accepting audience instead of leading us to a point poetically. I would try and condense this in to 3/4 stanzas making concise points rather than overwhelming us with lots of words and little thought provocation. Its not as crap as a 2 but thats poemranker for you heres what it is in my opinion 5

So, I've been thinking on this, carrying it around with me and waiting for it to bite. Even with your usual alchemy, z, I think it's too abstruse--you're asking the reader to work to hard to connect title to text. The secret code's too impenetrable; you've hidden the keys. Some quick thoughts, and some of these are just stylistic differences, I'm sure. The usual YMMVs and Dowhatthouwiltsometeitbe's apply: What's unwhetted? The mountains? Nice pun, but carries no context. While the metaphors of sculpting and alchemy have parallels (creating something of beauty and value from a base material), having both weakens both, I think. Is the sculpting metaphor a distraction? Maybe that's it. What's with the blood and alchemy stanza? I don't know how it fits in (I mean structually/grammatically rather than metaphorically--I think the metaphor works here, particularly in light of the title and its alchemical context). Is the "blood and satisfaction" the niche? If it's unsmelted, where's the chemistry? I liked Bangladesh--it conveyed what you've rephrased, somehow, but more subtly. Like the ending a lot--you appropriately come full circle with it. This version gained weight but missed--what?--balance? A core? I'm not sure. There's great stuff embedded (that word may have been permanently ruined for me--ack), but it needs clarity and focus.

I like 'apathy beats suicide/doesn't make it brave' not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though

Too true, still EMI rejected the sex pistols and Decca the beatles

It's great, I'm just of the opinion Bangladesh is a shit hole. Both realistically and metaphorically. Perhaps Katmandu?

Mulberry fair(y) I guess was the inspiration. I have seen this type of thing done before and this one is not at all bad

They say that people who serve together in wartime form a bond closer than most people ever feel. You would do anything for your brother (sister). Interesting twist that it wasn't a war that created the bond. Maybe rape is as tough as war.

abnormal, retarded verses of one whole incomplete point... amused me, could stand as a poem in itself

I'm not sure this has an identity of a poem or a lyric. As a poem its exhausting and as a lyric the singer would need to be rescued by full stops. Its not awful but not good neither just a mass of phrases the amount to little. 5

Ha! Maybe it was subconscious. I really liked that line in your "A Student's Descent" - don't blame you for borrowing it.

nice. 9.

Swank, z!

harlot.

niiice.

well, she is from Maine.

poetic apology