horus8
on some deleted poem
22 Jul 2003, 8:46 PM
Wonderful
i feel small.. ;/ 10.
That's damn funny.
ah...fucking zero giving haters dolling out 0s out of spite
my own 'poem' was hit up with blue zeros
oh well
i dont' care
it wasn't even a poem
it was a house
:(
mercy, have mercy, good woman
It's all too much
too much for me to breathe
and feast.
My belly's fit to burst
with the volume of this verse.
The troubadours and bearers of the quill
stand helpless before your beauty, bursting
from within your center, taking your fill
of the Lord's of the realm.
My hand sieves the dirt and the swill
seeking for the silver coin
that fell
on the day I pried the iron nail from my wrist,
and fell from the skull, down into the mist.
God took a bride one day
quarter past infinity
The morningstar
led the choral host
and Chronos stood
to make a toast
I need to show my love to someone
before it goes to gray
I would crucify myself for you
on a bed of hay
Some women are so easy to love.
And some men live like statuary
without the adornment of a dove,
and now these lines are getting scary.
Goodnight
"Crossed arms, standing over the hallway
The angel cries, all it has tried
to make me see..To save me,
Failed".
Yes, very good. Find your subjects and explore them intigrating yourself, so it becomes organic and not self absorbed. I would suggest strengthening your vocabulary and grammar next, but you got the right idea. writing every day on poemranker will teach you that. 7.
Ah yes, my sister, does the poetry boogie. What a writer you are sis. What a truly divine force of communication god has given you. I love you. You're the greatest.
Not worthy of you...
Nice seventh stanza; lying to ourselves to create hope for the Earth-mother-lover. I like the helplessness of the sixth stanza, too.
The end almost tosses it, i'd end at accident. Still a fanfuckingtastic poem. Really creative and brazen.
Bountiful yet lean.
Decent, and powerful.
"diffcult" typo, and there are some gramatical errors. "she pasted away" this made me grin naturally. I'd fix that if I were you, but the sentiment felt honest and pure enough. 6.
A superior piece.
The poet? Never, full of caviar maybe and themselves.
it bored me. ;/ 7.
Dill.
A good poem, great at the start and middle, weakens at the end.