Shardik
on some deleted poem
28 May 2003, 5:31 PM
Hey sis!
"My bones your breaking" You are, or you're.
Dreamt.
I live on a mobile couch since the accident.
"I wish that you had been the first
You would have been the one I chose"
Damn. I love those lines.
This is a bizarre poem.
Who the fuck are you, Radiohead?
Blue oyster kilt.
You write like a teenage boy late blooming and praying that the hair will grow. Grow hair please grow. Drop balls please drop.
Vipersna, could you come read the difference between what you do, and what a writer does, thankyou, next. 10.
Keeping the golden rule in mind, I would just like to say GOODBYE TO ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS FOREVER!!!! *BLAM*
Sounds like a song lyric to me, what with the repititions and all. I was intrigued by the title and thought it might be a little more critical of religion, oh it was nice anyway.
As a poem there are a few hiccups in the metre but it was delightful never-the-less.
"to make new life, where theirâs once begun." was what you were looking for.
Otherwise succulentio.
better yet
"to make new lifes, where their life once begun."
"You pummeled me with excrushiating violence." I get the instant visual of you beating your feet with a raquet in the third person upon reading this.
Good lordy hips and olives... Splurt, ahhhhhh. Geez, i'll do this on the thirtieth, can i?
You're bringing her a plastic eye? What? Maybe she'd like a nice neck brace.
Oh, I see, ten duh, shit that means all of mine are off, fuck, back to the drawing board. that will atleast give me something to edit tonight.
Great Sonnet.
Write a poeme about the old jew who comes on your face.
I suppose alot of people don't understand these, but yeah - you got to the heart of 'em. Oh, that was a great comment on my "What She Knew" It is true, I just got off parole, and I have one daughter who grew up in "the life" but managed to rise above it. She writes and submits here - Vipersna - I've read your comments to her. It all makes her even stronger.
Anyway - about your Haiku - keep it up!