This is the stupidest poem ive read all day. -0-

let me wax mine ears, first.

When I read poetry I take 3 steps. 1. I read it over and listen for the overall sound and feeling of the poem. If it makes an enjoyable read the first time without makeing your head hurt then its already decent, which I might add, your poem does. 2. I try and get the deeper meanings of the words and the way they are formed together, such as "Wastes deposited deep inside" I love that line. Im really envious that i didnt think of it first, that is assumeing I have the capacity to create somthing like that, which I do not think at this point in time i have. 3. I read it over again listening to the rythm and recognizing the meanings in each line and seeing the mental picture as i read each one. Your poem made each read enjoyable. I absolutely love it. Keep up the good work. -10-

I like the feeling of going with the music and all but i could never get into that coffee house crap. Like everything I think this could be better if you took a couple more looks at it and made some adjustment, I dunno somthing else is holding this back and im not sure what. I have to think about it more. but for know here is a 4. P.S. I really wish you would add more to the last poem you did, it started going somewhere and then it ended I was dissapointed I wanted to hear the rest of it, whenever you finish it i have a ten waiting for you, I mean come on, with a beginning like that you can write anything.

I know how you feel, I got burned pretty bad last weekend, it was one of those "you did somthing wrong but im not going to tell you what you did just to drive you crazy" MAN I HATE THAT, but anyways, cool poem, I think it could be better with some reconstructing , some of your lines sound kinda awkward at first glance. for now a 7 just cause i can relate, if you ever decide to redo this ill definatly give it a reread.

i dont really like the last line it breaks the mood. -4-

Heres what you do. Stop writing simple thoughts. Look deeper into whats going on in your life. Listen to what people say and try and figure out why they said it, how they said it, if they lied. Just one sentence from someone can give me enough ammunition to write a whole poem. Dont make the same mistake i did when I first started writing, thinking that putting your thoughts and emotions on paper without any pilot or any direction is poetry, its not. Its called writing your meaningless emotions on paper. Some more advice, learn some vocab. But if you really love writing and you think you can be good at poetry then do not give up, listen to what people say. Theyr are some really good poets on this site, horus8, godswife, Mr.pig, billzbub. If you write somthing worthy of actually reading than they will tell you. -0-

Cruel Fate. Oh well, anyway I like the way that it was detached and could have several different meanings. -10-

If all of this happened to me? In this order? I would ask the gods why they saw it fit to grant me probably the stupidest meaningless worthless friendship to an idiot. This has happened to me before. It was this stupid girl who changed her mind about everything every freekin minute she was alive. Somehow in the midst of her busy life of mindchanging she decided to be my friend. Aparently I wasnt part of this decision. I had seen her before talking to herself and her eyes twitching from side to side. I thought at first glance she was handicapped and i pitied her, like any loving soul would do. But then when I started recieving random phone calls from what I thought was a girl, asking me if I did or did not like cheese and other mindless things, such as "what if".I began to realize that "handicapped wasnt the right word. I just kept saying, what if doesnt matter. what matters is here, now. But still she persisted. I was given notes from odd looking little fat girls with their lying t-shirts that said "angel" and "hottie". I was crakin up, I had no idea who was stalking me. I was afraid to go to sleep, I was afraid id get raped in the night. I still to this day on ocassion receive the odd note here and there. I dont even bother to read them, and I never wonder what if. -0-

but , surely, not without thine hand!!!

See what happens when you obey your parents? -10-

I ate cereal. My friend ate: Pork chops, eggs ,bacon, toast, usually. I always got dropped. fun 9

Oi Blah Vay! You didn't. You just didn't! For Chirst Sake you Didn't okay!! You are not a mass serial killer nor will you ever be(because you post poems like this on the internet and people start watching you like a hawk) so no!. I can't call this trash because it at least has some good imagery(just a little) but Geeze Louise there is no real strength as a lyric and it reads like a bad metallica song(no offense to said band) from after load. I try and be nice, really I do, and I hope you don't take offense but this is not a winner in my books. -1-

Nice. A bit dark but still nice. Very crisp mental video in my head. -9-

If I was girl I'd kiss him goodnight but since I'm not I'd say "see ya later" -8-

Hmmm... My final say??? you meaning 'saying' or 'your last words', 'dying breath' maybe? Just checking. Not bad anyway. -6-

I just wonder why it's not a little higher on the list.

Great transition.

well, there's something about the sky swallowing you whole which betrays the pain you fight through. being swallowed, submitting,--you see what i mean? i feel like you are forged by will, and then you're bait on a hook at the end. this is strong writing. but i want a stronger end. (am i ever satisfied?)

I always love reading mindless poetry. -7-