if you seperated "traffic cream" you'd add more depth.

interesting change-ups. find and alternative for sexy and sultry(cliche) I like the word groovy so I'll let you slide there. rather good

Yes, she's bored. But she's not ready to do anything about it. She needs a dash of frustration methinks.

Fantastic. Is Marti Pellow really off the Brown or was that just publicity to try and make him more accessible to the 8-11 year old market?

Im not so sure you could live by the ignorance of someones lies, unless you yourself were dumb enough to live by a lie that was ignorant. The first thing that comes to mind is following a religion that requires you to eat dog crap five times a day or the earth would swallow you whole. Now that would be living by the ignorance of someones lies. But anyways I liked the poem, -6-

Clatu Verata N... N... it's an 'N' word. N... N... It's definitely an "N" word!

As you can guess. Line 4 is quite the chuckle amongst my zombie legions and pet rubarbe pie.

I play the xylephone in a band dedicated to covering "thirty seconds to mars, but we're called thirty seconds two your Uranus, and we all wear our hair like Jared, and such, and so on. Because we're apocalyptic petit and 'a angered' rock stars. (Pardon me why I wipe this chirpe off of my diamond heeled spur and tug 'pon my flask) aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. erp. But ah basically we've done hard time, and jerking off with noxema in juvie? Well, you can only imagine why our shoulders bear chips... Ah, I mean chirps.

My heart understands only buttered crawdads and old mill'.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! what? You're kidding right? lol. I'll bring the greater and lesser key of Solomon just in case.

"On this day, I have found fear..." Ahbdul Alhazar 'the mad arab'. (from the Necronomicon)

Necronomicon Death, madness and Cthulu. Let's swallow some souls.

You make me feel guilty, and I wash my hands a lot?

Fuck the ps, it's all about the corn. Gruesome and human. 3rd couplet, and of course the All-Powerful 1st line. Amen, brother.

The last stanza, you know, I mean, I'm totally serious about the corn, it's like, you know, 8 1/2 and those women at the end living in the house of his imagination, and she doesn't ant to leave eventhough she's old, and they all rise up with their brooms and laundry, it's like the corn, out of control and all over the linoleum floor. Fucking brilliant, something so precise.

So... The structure is good, but you are not saying anything really. Where are the specifics. Somewhere????? Tell exactly where. 'I loved her'? How???? Tell me what you did hold her hand.... walk her dog..... read to her grandmother..... lick her pussy...... I mean, come on, what's your story???? 'she left me alone with my thoughts' so what? what the fuck where you thinking? That's what I want to know. I can't think your thoughts, show them to me. "I never meant to hurt her" Hoooooooowwwwwww did you hurt her? Scare her? Haaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooowwww? Don't tell me nothing, tell me something.

Again, the catch-alls... chance opportunities a way moment emotion conversation topic? (that's awful) possible talk dream Can you be specific please. Pretend your writing a news article, just the facts.

Ya gotta make a living somehow. All money is made by the sweat of others.

This is a good try but you really need to be more specific. You mention guts but you never actually describe them - what colour were they? did they wear shoes? had they landed on your face? Don't leave the reader guessing - tell them something about the guts. Don't tell them nothing about the guts. And another thing: on line 17 you mention that the milkman only has one eye. Couldn't you elaborate a little more? How did he lose it? Did he lose more than he bargained for? What does the empty socket look like? If you approached him on his blind side, could you slam a griddle straight into his face without him noticing? Imagine you are writing a news article about the innocent victims of cyclopia: you could even start with my own tragic tale, to be told with the Eton Boating Song (http://www.etoncollege.com/eton.asp?di=1359#) playing in the background... "We were lovers - picnics by the river, jolly boating weather, and a hay harvest breeze, blade on the feather, shade off the trees etc. And as we lay there side by side, the Thames gently lapping at the shores of some Henley meadow, I knew that I'd never known such happiness. Then I was suddenly startled by a sound that sounded like the sound of a sparrow flying straight into a brick wall made of bricks. I turned, and to my horror, discovered that my companion's eye had been skewered by a frozen spike of liquid waste that had fallen from an airplane toilet facility. The sound of her jellied brains squelching out, marked by the subtle fragrance of slowly defrosting DETH-LOLLY, made me feel really crap."

you better be right. if i cram all that into 17 and it's wrong, i'm gonna come after you. 9. who's backin' you on this?