thepinkbunnyofdoom
on Friends by anitawit
14 Apr 2003, 12:50 PM
A few typos(i didn't take off for them but they are there). Other than that nothing that really makes it stand out, but its still good. -7-
HOW THE FUCKORY DID THIS GET A TOP 10 PLACE, OK IS ALL 5
My first reaction :WTF:
My second reaction :what the bloody fuck:
My third reaction :what a fuck:
My fourth reaction :awe fuck If I'm this confused give it a -10- and try and sort it out later:
What, exactly, did you see??? What does your poem talk about???
In a sudden flash of lightning I realized there is a heaven.
How? Why? Explain yourself. Not in the comments, but in the poem.
Glimpse the wonder of letting your imagination come up with some scenarios.
*hacks up a furball* huh?? hmmm??? wha? is it over yet? You lost my attention, about halfway through the first, Stanza/paragraph. It maybe the subject but It feels really repetive, like I've heard it before, redundent, cliche, and so on and so forth and what have ya. It might also be helpful if I could tell if you were being sarcastic with the live=evil rip off, or if you just thought it'd be cute and clever. I see that some effort was put forth(one way or another) and cause I have a real hard time with giving a zero to anything that has some effort, just for you a -2-.
Nice visuals, try and find some more words for screaming though. The only other line i dont like is the "spontaneous combustion" one. It just doesnt fit. Other than that its pretty good, redo it and redo it, to get rid of some excess words that bog down the story, have a -7-
It would work if you could fucking spell.
good, i would done the same.
Sounds like a colonic rave, or just you taking another shit in the name of poetry and your mother's favourite jewish doctor's advice.
What if heaven is under the hat and below the belt, Todd? In heaven will you look like you did when you died, when you were born, or when you thought you looked your best in highschool. Perhaps you will be a ball of preaching lightning for us to follow into your simplified evangelical program. I've never seen so many people in one place convinced that heaven is a country buffet with domesticated lions, tigers and bears, and everyone looking their Sunday best. I'll bring my 'crock of shit pot' and bingo card. See you there.
you like tomatos in your salad? then, quick - GRAB YOUR ANKLES!
i wet my pants at this random display of faggotry. thank you thank you
Wow it makes a lot more sense now!
Nice screen play. It seems to center more on Emilio than Ferdinand tho. So why is Ferdinand the PRINCIPAL CHARACTER?
Once again confusing and I can feel my brain going into the redline so before it explodes -9-
Good stuff, -9-
dear god, merciful god, make it stop!
You think?