maybe not atomic any more. maybe darwinian. have a 9 on me.

real good stuff....

Again, some excellent writing here (Already crowded chest, You are phonecall father)that just needs tightening and a bit of clarity. you do a nice job of keeping emotions in check yet making a point. Unlike cadacus who vomits sap all over the page.

I disagree, Cdcs. Somewhere between the rambling 'Oxywarmonger,' by PAKI, and this oblique haiku is the right length and quality of poem to sum up the war in Iraq. Who on this site is up to writing it? Methinks Zzin or DA.

Liked what you done with this, it sounds raw and from the heart, that i am sure of. The light my friend is your eyes, open them and you will be found. Think about it. heres a fat number to hug 8

waaaayyyyy to long. try starting to write easy, short stuff

also this is subject matter suicide, delete it, its painful.

quite funny

If it were up to me, I'd have you hung by your own intestines and filled with irate fire ants for this poeme. Seriously, what about this is supposed to be a poem? It's just a bunch of obsessive cliches blocked into paragraphs and liberally seasoned with misspellings. Please go and kill yourself now.

Lame. Super lame. Poorly written, not a poem, bracingly awful treatment of the subject. This thing, not unlike most folks (yourself included) should have beeen aborted long ago.

That about sums it up, z.

Yep. Tell me something that all the other schmucks aren't saying. Say it differently. repetitive.

thats some bitter stuff.....i like it tho..

I read this through a few times and still could not really figure out what it is about!....Now I expect this is just me being incredibly stupid but please enlighten me so that i may read it through again with a new found wisdom! I enjoyed your usage of language though so for that you can have a 7!

no real flow to it....quite 'hard' to read....i do like some of it tho...

I thought this would be about Iraq, Brdmn. If the battle is within, what's it over...alcoholism, violent urges, etc., or just the general evil potential within humans? And thanks, Nwb5, for your very cogent comments.

hey, i know this guy. i never got in the car--or anything else--with him, though. well done, mrs.g.

And as a bulb buried deep in wintry soil knows not to die, I really like these lines, which makes the last line pale a bit next to them. Can you find a way to stick with the image? Maybe. Maybe not?

Much of the wording is good here. I am a bit confused of the context of who "our" and "we" are. It seems awful ambiguous. But other than that a nice job overall.

Nurse, fetch me the clearasil drip, stat! We're losing the patient!